Category Archives: Single Life

Where to meet single Catholics off-line

Posted on September 25, 2012 | 2 Comments

“Where do I go to find someone normal and still single?” That’s the recurring theme I have heard from countless single Catholics for fifteen years. The bar scene is undesirable to most, and once you have exhausted scoping the pews at Mass and the singles groups at Church, you’re kind of left to hope for the best in normal circumstances of life, like at work, school, among friends.

Of course, since I run an online dating service, I am a proponent of single Catholics turning to the Internet in a concentrated forum like a dating website. But unless you can move your online interaction to an in-person experience in a reasonable amount of time, the online experience can be frustrating. I always recommend that people not waste their time in prolonged communication online, and to get together in person as soon and as often as possible, or you might both waste your time.

Ten years ago, I was approached with the idea of having a cruise for Ave Maria Singles. I thought that was a terrible idea, and such a waste of my time. Catholics don’t cruise, I thought. That’s for old people, decadent people, affluent people, people who have run out of ideas on how to vacation. Single Catholics have no money, no time to go on a cruise, and no interest in that kind of vacation.

Boy, was I wrong. Catholics not only enjoy cruising, they sure know how to take advantage of a ship and its ports. We starting cruising the Caribbean with Norwegian Cruise Line in 2003, and it’s become a yearly escape. For many it’s a reunion, for many more it is an introduction to tons of new people who feel like old friends from the first day of sailing.

Some have called it a floating retreat, because we have spiritual talks, daily Mass and rosary, evening exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, and opportunities for Confession and spiritual direction. (Other passengers on the ship are often thrown for a loop whenever they stumble upon these activities of our group.)

Some have called our cruises their essential yearly vacation. “Where else can you take a week off and go where it’s warm and beautiful, eat like royalty any time of day or night, dance till you drop every night, have daily Mass and group rosaries, and be with a group of people that share my Catholic faith, know how to have fun, and provide me with some of the most wonderful and inspiring conversations I’ve ever had in my life? Nowhere except Ave Maria!” (This is a direct quote, by the way, not a blurb created by the marketing department)

Okay, so I was wrong. Having a cruise for single Catholics was a great idea. Pat Baker, I really thank you for approaching me about it and for proving me wrong.

But that’s not all. What about actually meeting someone special and getting married? Would that happen on a cruise? Once again, I highly doubted it. But I really didn’t have a good reason why. I just doubted it because I didn’t want to let anyone down if I got their hopes up by say “Oh sure, yes, absolutely, there is a good possibility of meeting the person you will end marrying while on our cruise.” So best to play it safe and say “Well, maybe it could happen, but let’s just have a great vacation, huh?”

Um…again….wrong. Donald and Linda were on our first cruise in 2003. He lived in New York, she in California. They took their meeting on the cruise to a post-cruise relationship and eventually married. They later brought their children to our Jamaica trip some years after. Ever since then, every cruise has had at least one couple come out of it, and we have a couple dozen cruise couples now married. (The smaller group we took to Alaska in 2005 for some reason produced four marriages, including Matt and Lillian, but I can’t talk about Alaska cruises right now, sorry.)

I think we’ve really created something special as an answer to “Where do I go to find someone normal and still single?” You can go on a cruise with Ave Maria Trips, that’s where. And though we always have most of our group being single, we find more and more people traveling with their family or friends who are married, as well as our married members attending as well. It’s just an incredible way to take a week of your vacation time and have an all-around enjoyable and spiritually uplifting experience.

This year is our diamond anniversary Caribbean cruise. I’m really making this 10th anniversary special with special guest speaker, Dr. Peter Damgaard-Hansen, joining Fr. Tom Morrow and myself. Dr. Peter is graciously making himself available a great deal of this trip, and believe me, you will want to take advantage of him. He is a brilliant man, solid Catholic, and his approach to his field of psychology is exceptional, and thoroughly Catholic.

People are joining this 10th anniversary cruise at a record rate. We already have 60 people registered coming from 5 different countries, with people in their 20s to 60s. Such a special cruise has special planning involved, so there is not much time to register. Spots are going really quick and space in our group is limited. Yes, that was definitely more of a marketing pitch. But it’s sincere, and no less true. You can find full information about the trip here. Spots are going quickly, and space is limited, so please, sign up before it’s too late.

Our cruises are one of the best places to meet someone who shares your faith. And at the very least, it will be one of the best (if not the best) vacation you will ever have. Our groups are what make the trips every time. Be one of our group and have a beautiful impact on the others as they certainly will have on you.

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Posted in Dating, Single Life, Travel

7 types of false love

Posted on August 27, 2012 | 2 Comments

There is nothing quite like being in love and sharing a loving relationship. You often hear about finding “true love,” but we seldom stop to think about what that means.

To consider this properly, you need to know a little something about true love. What makes it true? There is much to say about true love, and there are so many various opinions as to what makes love true. True love is a mystery; almost impossible to put into words.

But we do have a guideline for what makes for true love:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.

Single people hope to find the kind of love others have found. Is it possible that singles have not found true love because the love they have to give is false?

I have seven kinds of false love for you to consider. These are seven approaches to love that many people are inclined to take, typically without even knowing it, which have disastrous consequences.

1. The Critical Approach

This is someone who does not believe true love is possible, and criticizes any person they attempt to find love with. True love is impossible to the critical person because they don’t love themselves. Yet, they don’t dare criticize themselves, so they have to find faults in another in order to maintain a superiority. Their love is something the other should feel grateful to have and spend their life showing that gratitude.

They are quick to criticize the person they claim to love, deep down never believing this person could actually love them. The “beloved” is never good enough. The critical person lives as someone who can just as well make due without the beloved.

2. The Scrupulous Approach

This person is very careful about showing too much devotion to a person, fearing that God will somehow be made number two. They feel guilty for wanting and needing a person, since they believe they should only need God. They hold back expressing love and affection in order to prove to themselves (and sometimes to the other person) that they have control of their passions and desires.

Guilt plagues the scrupulous person, because as much as they believe that love shared between two person is unexplainably special and wonderful, they can’t admit it in principle.

Ultimately, they view love not as a gift of God or a blessing, just a necessary evil. They allow their beloved to feel like they are an obstacle to God, instead of a vehicle toward God.

3. The External Approach

This person is only concerned with outward experiences of love. Their love is not giving, but taking. They are anxious if there are not constant external proofs of love. They are say “I love you” and need “I love you” said to them endlessly. They believe sharing love is about quantity, not quality. Lots of romance, lots of sex, lots of gifts, lots of flattering words.

A certainty about love in quiet, unspoken moments is foreign to them. If there is no emotional high being experienced, they are afraid love is fading.

4. The Presumptuous Approach

This person is completely fine with their lousy behavior while presuming the beloved will understand and accept them. Their love for the beloved presumes the unconditional love they will receive, regardless of their actions. Their own passions and needs are the priority.

They are at peace with their bad habits and feel no need to work on their faults. They hide things like their impurity, injustice, anger, foul manners and speech, rudeness, detraction and gossip, while making themselves out to be worthy to be loved by the beloved. They presume forgiveness and second chances.

5. The Inconstant Approach

This person is wishy washy when it comes to love. Sometimes they seem really into you and will do anything for you. Then they can seem distant and uninterested, like they’re a different person. They are willing to invest initially in winning your heart, only to back off after they have won it. They easily change, whether in mind or mood or with the latest difficulty in the relationship.

They willingly make promises and take on more than they can handle in showing their love, and leave you disappointed when it was just empty words and promises. Their love is unreliable. They will only express love as they’re ready to.

6. The Hypocritical Approach

This person has high expectations and strict requirements when it comes to the love received from another, while they do not submit themselves to the same standard. They love with a double standard that sets the beloved up as always being the guilty party for all problems, while they are always justified in what they do.

They display a consistent intent of deception in their love by passing as a good person committed to loving another while not really caring to live it out. They are trying to be someone they are not. Their efforts and actions in love are things they think the other wants in order to win their affection and approval, not things that spring naturally from the heart as part of who they are.

7. The Interested Approach

This person sees love for another as a utility for their purposes, not as a giving of self and respect of a person. They have recourse to you only when they need something, otherwise they have no interest. They love you whenever they can obtain something from you when they want it. They lose patience and show signs of wanting out at even the slightest degree of not getting what they want out of typical relationship experiences (such as discussions, problems, or decisions that have to be made). Their tolerance of you is proportional to the satisfaction of their wants.

All of us can find ourselves in one or more of these. This is because none of us can escape selfishness (the very definition of pride). The more selfish we are, the more prone we are to false love, and the more difficult it is to live out true love.

What is your approach to love? In which of these false approaches do you see yourself? No matter which ones apply to you, it’s never too late to change. Recognizing it is half the battle. But it’s a grace to recognize. We often don’t want to accept when we have a problem, therefore we purposely keep ourselves blind.

Praying for God’s grace to recognize your approaches to false love is a necessity to making progress. Take time before the Blessed Sacrament asking Jesus to open your eyes so you can be observant of false love tendencies and He will surely enlighten you.

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Posted in Dating, Single Life

Would you date you?

Posted on August 16, 2012 | 3 Comments

Would the type of person you are praying to meet and fall in love with find you attractive?

When and if it should happen that you meet someone special, fall in love, and get married, the process starts with you.  This is the premise of my first book, Would You Date You?

I appeared on “The Catholic Guy” show last week to talk about my new book. Lino Rulli and Fr. Rob were in rare form as they attempted to figure out just what the title was supposed to mean.  And we must have spent fifteen minutes talking about the Forward.  Why, you ask?  Well, Lino wrote the Forward, and he is very proud of it.

Finally, I shouted, “Hey, enough with the Forward!  What about the book?”  He shouted back at me, then Fr. Rob had to break it up.  In the end, Lino asked me to sign his copy on the air, which I did.  It read “To my friend, Lino.  No, I would not date you, if I were you.  Anthony.”  Seriously, it was a great show.

But I was thinking to myself, I bet I could have interviewed myself better than Lino did.  Then I thought to myself, why not?  So the following is an interview with Anthony Buono, interviewed by Anthony Buono, about his new book, Would You Date You?

Anthony, congratulations on your new book.  Why did you decide to write it?

Thank you.  I was actually approached by Franciscan Media last July to write a book.  What kind of book?, I asked.  Something for single Catholics.  Okay, anything specific?  Whatever you want.  But we need an outline in August.  They approved the outline and we agreed on a finished manuscript by the end of January of this year.  One distraction after another, and it was January.  No finished chapters.  My publisher emails: “Happy New Year!  So how’s the book coming?”  Oh yeah, the book.  Oh boy.  Um….”It’s coming along swimmingly.  About half way there.”  So I commit completely to working on the book, and by mid-February, they had a finished manuscript.  I felt like I was back in college when I wrote term papers the week before they were due at the end of the semester.

Who do you think should read this book?

I think the answer is pretty obvious, Anthony, but all right.  From my experience, many people who want to be married believe that they’re a prize catch, and that any problems in relationships are the fault of the other person.  It’s great to be confident, but problems are always a two way street. We can always find something we could have done better.  No one is beyond self-examination and self-improvement.  This book provides consideration on qualities everyone should be working on, helping you become a better person, and become more attractive.  Did I answer your question?  I guess I’ll just say everyone should read this book.

What is the most surprising advice in your book?

I don’t want to give it away.  But I’ll give you a hint.  Knowing if the person has this quality is more important than if the person is Catholic or not (and there are those who say they’re Catholic who don’t have this quality).  But that’s not very fair of me, is it?  A piece of advice in the book that might also be very surprising is why it’s good to be cautious and protective when it comes to kissing, because kissing is the gateway to all sexual promiscuity. I think once you understand that, you have some real power to go into your dating relationships and make a real difference in the chastity department.

What’s the best piece of advice in this book?

That you would not, in fact, date you, because there is not another you out there.  Just kidding! I don’t say that in the book. Well, not exactly.  I do believe it is futile to get too caught up in trying to find someone like yourself.  The mystery of love doesn’t work that way.  Those who try to find someone like themselves usually end up attracted to someone very different. Better preparation for the dating process (and for love) is to discover and know who you are.  Being comfortable with yourself and having a working knowledge of what needs improvement makes you much more attractive to the person you want to meet, and allows you to bring a real person to the relationship.  Humility about your true self as a whole helps you become willing to accept an imperfect person you’ll actually date, not the perfect person you’ll never meet.   Hey, that was pretty good.  Can you tweet that for me, Anthony?  Anyway, people get caught up in what they want and don’t develop as an individual. So really, the best advice in this book is the overall message: work on knowing yourself.

Do you think this book will help people take action for the sake of their vocation to marriage?

Gosh, I hope so. If they do nothing else, I hope they will at least try out putting the last chapter into practice.  The questions to consider while kneeling before the crucifix are focused on examining the conscience of people who want to be married. I wanted the book to inspire people to take accountability for their own life, have the humility to admit their own faults, and have the courage to do something about it.  But not take themselves too seriously, or become easily discouraged.  The book is about becoming, and we are all always in the process of becoming. Even in marriage, that process continues, so we don’t wait to marry someone who has arrived, but someone who is suitable to share the journey with you.

What is the worst thing about this book?

Having to suffer through interviews (no offense to you, Anthony).  Actually, to be serious, the worst thing about this book is that it was written too fast (that’s what I get for procrastinating).  As I read it, I’m like “Oh gosh, I wish I wrote this instead of that”, and wish I had more time to revisit the chapters.  But my publisher tells me that the worst part about this book is that it’s too short.

Well, I did a pretty good job of interviewing myself.  But to my credit, I’m easy to talk to, especially to myself.  But here’s what I learned about myself as I conducted this interview.  That I rarely actually answer an interview question because I’m so tangential.  Now it makes sense why Lino changes the subject on me so often.  I guess that’s why he gets the big bucks.

To get a copy of Would You Date You?, click here.  And please send me your feedback, positive or negative :-)

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Posted in Dating, Marriage, Single Life

Tired of being alone, or, the singles trap.

Posted on June 12, 2012 | 14 Comments

Dear Anthony,

I’m absolutely fed up!  I’m done!  I’m tired of the singles trap and everyone telling me it’s just not my turn yet!  Why isn’t it my turn?  Why must it take so long?  I’m tired of being alone!  I’m tired of having no one to share my life with!  I’m trying not to be upset with God, but seriously, enough is enough!  And if you tell me it will happen in God’s time, I’m done with you too.  I don’t mean any disrespect, but I can’t handle hearing anymore pious mumbo jumbo.  

That’s a lot of exclamation points, indicating a lot of frustration.  I can’t blame you, especially about not wanting to hear the same “pious mumbo jumbo” anymore.  Of course, it’s not mumbo jumbo at all, but I will admit that many of us advisor types tend to take the easy way out by saying,“it’s all in God’s time” or “when it’s meant to happen to you, it will” or “I’ll pray for you”.

We take that easy way out sometimes because frankly, we just don’t have the answer.

When people are suffer, what they need most is empathy. I have no idea what you are going through and what factors are contributing to your obvious suffering.  I only know for certain that you are in pain.

You want some answers, and fast.  But that’s not going to happen.  It’s futile to insist on and force solutions, and even more futile to succumb to anger and bitterness.

It’s very interesting that you mentioned being tired of “the singles trap.”  That’s actually exactly what you have fallen into, perhaps without even realizing it.  The singles trap is the belief that life is meaningless as an unmarried person. Marriage makes happiness possible at last.

You might be saying, “That’s rubbish! That’s not what I think.”  Maybe not consciously.  But consider how you feel, and what you are saying as a result of your frustration.  You hate it that you are still single, and don’t want to be single anymore.  That’s valid enough.  I fully support that.  But not to the point that you harbor anger, bitterness, excessive frustration, and resentment.

These attitudes are fashioned over time through voluntarily allowing negative realities to penetrate to the depths of the self.  You are slowly but surely become these negatives.  You allow your personal peace and happiness that are gifts of God to be rattled or replaced by the anger.

God created you first and foremost to love Him, serve Him, and be with Him forever in Heaven.  He did not create you to be married.  Marriage is not the answer to your happiness, nor the solution to your overcoming your anger.  That’s a trap.  The singles trap, to be exact.
It sounds to me that you believe you are entitled to be married by now and you are on a quest to find out why you’re not.

There are undoubtedly reasons why you are still single.  Some of it’s probably your fault.  Some of it’s probably the fault of your parents and your upbringing.  Some of it’s probably the fault of free will and those who sadly choose to break up with you for stupid reasons.  Some it probably has nothing to do with fault at all.  But one thing’s for sure…..it’s not God’s fault.

In fact, it’s also futile to look for fault at all.  When you do find out where the fault lies, it doesn’t help.  It might provide some kind of distorted satisfaction, but you don’t find peace and happiness.

You can let anger run aggressively and recklessly until it becomes who you are, thus you are habitually a bitter, nasty, unenjoyable person to be around.

And then congratulations!  You just made yourself completely unattractive to anyone who might be a prospective candidate for a marriage partner.

Do you see what I’m getting at?  You might very well have good reasons for being upset as to why you are still single.  But you can’t give into it.  It’s not worth it.  You only hurt yourself, and your chances of finding love.

You might never really know why you are still single.  But you are. You are still the unique person God created you to be. He made you for love.  Maybe you won’t live that love in the context of marriage. There are so many ways to give yourself away in love for God and neighbor that can fulfill your life and provide a lasting peace and happiness.

I realize that’s easier said than done.  But honestly, what choice do you have?  Keep succumbing to the anger, and you isolate yourself from God, the source of all love and happiness.

Have some people in your life you can trust and are empathetic when you need to vent.  This will help you prevent your natural and understandable frustrating moments from becoming part of who you are.

Give all your problems, emotions, and negativity to God (really letting it go and making it His problem), and you are truly free.

It might be pious mumbo jumbo to say it, but be happy that you were created by God, you are loved intimately by God,  and you are destined to be with God. Your life has purpose and meaning regardless of marriage.  Be happy, and don’t let anything or anyone take it from you.

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Posted in Ask Anthony, Dating, Single Life

Meditation on the Crucifix

Posted on April 3, 2012 | 1 Comment

“We become what we love and who we love shapes what we become. If we love things, we become a thing. If we love nothing, we become nothing. Imitation is not a literal mimicking of Christ, rather it means becoming the image of the beloved, an image disclosed through transformation. This means we are to become vessels of God´s compassionate love for others. “

~ St. Clare of Assisi

We are destined to become a resurrected and glorious son or daughter of God, with God forever in heaven. Our life on this earth is a time of becoming that saint through the sufferings and failures of this life, as well as the restoration by grace and virtuous lives we live.

Fundamental to becoming a resurrected son or daughter is the requirement to first become crucified with the Lord Jesus Christ in this gift of life we have been given.

For Catholics, the Crucifix is essential for living out our daily lives. The Crucifix is the symbol of Christ’s ultimate act of love for us. The Crucifix depicts Jesus nailed to the cross and dying for our sins. We hang a crucifix on the walls of our homes and wear a crucifix on a chain around our necks so that we will be visibly reminded of Jesus’ love for us and our redemption.

For those who desire a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ, the Crucifix also serves as an ideal focus of meditation. Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen said that the summary of all our sins can be found on the Crucifix. It is, therefore, the perfect way to examine our consciences.

Examining our consciences while gazing on the Crucifix will differ from person to person primarily depending on our state in life. For unmarried Catholics who are open to marriage, an examination of conscience while meditating on the Crucifix should include considerations related to the desire and efforts toward marriage.

Everything Jesus suffered on the cross has a direct correlation to any and every sin possible to commit, and he suffered through His body for them all. The following is an example of what an Examination of Conscience might be for those who are single, dating, and desiring to be married one day, as they meditate on the Crucifix.

The Sacred Head crowned with thorns – The sins we commit in our mind

The head containing the very mind of God with all wisdom and knowledge is used for a sick joke to mock Him as king by the crowning with piercing thorns.

Do I allow and foster impure thoughts?
Do I allow myself to think ill will about members of the opposite sex?
Am I still scarred from past relationships that my attitude going into a new relationship is to be close minded?
Do I harbor resentment for those who have hurt me in the past, and allow that to affect my current relationship?
Am I thinking about other things while with someone I’m dating?
Do I think about someone else I would prefer to be with?
Do I date people I already know I would never be open to love and marriage with just to have someone to go on a date with?
Do I think about inappropriate sexual things while on a date?
Do I try to think of ways to get the person I am dating to have sex with me?

The hands nailed to the wood of the cross – The sins we commit with our hands

Hands that touched and were raise for healing and performing miracles are nailed to wood like common parchment.

Have I tried to touch a person I’m dating inappropriate or impurely?
Have I ever physically hit someone I’m dating?
Have I avoided doing things for the person I’m dating like cooking for them, or doing works of charity?
Do I masturbate while looking at images of the opposite sex or thinking about the person I’m dating?
Do I type dishonest information about myself or send uncharitable messages on dating websites?

The feet nailed to the wood of the cross – The sins we commit with our feet

The feet that took Jesus all over Judea so that so many people could experience the Incarnate Word among us and come to believe are now made stationary with one nail through both feet.

Do I make extra efforts to get to places I should go that benefit others and myself, or am I too lazy?
Do I busy myself too much going here and there, depriving myself of necessary rest?
Do I avoid going out on dates because I would rather indulge in my own selfish interests?
Do I procrastinate going to places or into environments that offer me a chance to meet a quality person of the opposite sex?
Would I rather stay home and wait for God to bring my future spouse to my front door, or do I keep my feet moving to do my part so God can do His part?
Do I walk with people who will enhance me as a person, or prefer those who get me into trouble or lead me away from God?

The body of Christ stripped of His garments – The sins we commit of the flesh

As if He is not humiliated enough from the scourging and the carrying of his cross, Jesus is made to be fully exposed in body as His clothes are removed.

Have I exposed myself to a person I’m dating inappropriately?
Have I tried to remove clothing in an attempt to engage in pre-marital sex?
Do I show too much of my body publicly?
Am I mindful that chastity is as much in the mind as in the flesh or the manner of dressing?
Have I become numb, indifferent, conditioned to nudity or exposed flesh that I’m no longer affected by it, or don’t even realize I should be affected by it?
Do I strip people of their dignity through my callus or cruel words and behavior?
Do take pride in clothing my body and the way I should cloth my body?
Have I stripped myself of all that would distract me from God, or at least made a lifelong commitment to daily work on all that would distract me from God?

The Sacred Heart pierced with a lance – The sins we commit in our heart

Blood and water bursts out from Jesus’ side after his Sacred Heart is pierced, showering the crowds with the fullest extent of His love and cleansing those who would be splashed with the graces of mercy.

Am I protective of the heart of the person I’m dating?
Am I careful not to break the heart of the person I’m dating through insensitivity or selfishness?
Do I see the heart of the person I date as something to win and make feel safe?
Am I too quick to feel love for someone I’m dating as to make it vulnerable to heartbreak?
Is my heart closed off and too guarded as to not allow a nice person I’m dating to get to know me and to foster love?
Am I patient and gentle about creating a homey atmosphere that makes the other feel safe to share themselves with me?
Am I a good friend, or am I hard to get to know and too quick to cut someone off when things go wrong?
Is my heart forgiving with a motive for bringing about peace, or do I prefer unrest and discord because of hardened heart?
Do I lust after members of the opposite sex in my heart?
Does my heart desire things that are incompatible with true love and marriage?
Do I allow my heart to be attached to someone whom I could never be married to?
Is my heart pure, allowing me to see God in everyone?
Is my heart open to change in myself?
Am I flexible with the things that happen in life, or is my heart sad when things don’t go as planned?
Is my heart in the right place, or do I have ulterior motives in the things I do for or say to the those I am dating?
Are my priorities straight when it comes to what and who I love?
Do I let my heart rule my decisions instead of consulting my mind and determine what is most prudent and for the best despite my feelings?
Do I love God with all my heart and desire to keep His commandments, or do I prefer my own will, or attached to someone too much that I willingly desire to please them before God?

The outstretched arms – The sins we commit of being unwelcoming

Jesus’ arms are pulled out as far as they can go, as if to show us that God loves us that much. Who among us can ever extend our arms out in full and say we love anyone that much?

Am I a welcoming person and make people feel comfortable?
Are my arms always outstretched and open to comforting those who need it?
Do I offer my arms to give hugs?
Do I offer the person I’m dating chaste hugs to show my affection and care?
Is my attitude in life to smile and open my arms to receive, or do I always look miserable and reserved and keep my arms to my side as to be stand offish?
Can everyone find mercy with me, or am I easily offended and make people feel guilty or inferior?

The suffering in silence – The sins we commit with our lips and our speech

Amidst the chaos of the crowd shouting at Jesus to save Himself and come down from the cross, He silently endures, speaking very little, and only when necessary.

Am I quick to talk and slow to listen?
Do I complain about every little thing when I should endure it silently and patiently?
Do I speak without thinking or consideration for the other person?
Do I enjoy bad mouthing about the opposite sex and bad dates?
Do I remain silent and accept annoying things on a date, or do I insist on making comments?
Do I look for positive things to say about the person I’m dating?
Do I say “I’m sorry” when I have said or done something wrong?
Do I say things that will help resolve problems with the person I’m dating, or do I remain silent and allow things to get worse while waiting for the other to make things right?
Do I say the words “I love you” without backing it up with my actions?
Do I speak kindly and with self control, or do I raise my voice or shout to make my points?
Do I monopolize conversation or talk only about myself?
Do I no talk enough and keep to myself too much while making the other uncomfortable trying to find things to talk about?
Am I abusive in my conversations with the person I‘m dating, making them feel bad, hurting their feelings, or trying to manipulate them?
Do I have a sincere desire to use the gift of speech to build up others and not tear them down?

The eyes impaired by blood and closing from death approaching – The sins we commit with our eyes

The blood from Jesus’ pierced head drips into his eyes, which now have only a distorted vision of the world.

Do I look appropriately at the opposite sex?
Do I realize that my eyes are the windows to my soul and everything I look at affects me?
Do I lack the will power to guard my eyes from those things I know are wrong?
Do I partake in looking at pornography?
Do I watch too much television or too many movies?
Do I over-indulge in visual entertainment, or watching the news?
Do I feel I need to see the things I allow myself to see?
Do I make eye contact with the person I’m dating, or do I look away a lot?
Do I make my date feel uncomfortable by looking at him or her inappropriately?
Do I look around at other members of the opposite sex while I’m out with the person I’m dating?
Am I wise and prudent about what I watch and read?
Do I criticize the person I’m dating when I observe what they do?
Do I observe the needs of the person I’m dating and act, or am I to self-absorbed to notice?
Do I pay close attention to the things that are unique about the person I’m dating and their interests so I can really get to know them?
Do I do things for the person I’m dating that shows that I have been paying attention to who they are?

The blood poured out from every part of the body – The sins we commit from holding back giving our life to others

With all the life of Jesus extinguishing from His body, His ultimate decision to lay down His life for us proves the truth of what it means to love.

Am I the kind of person who will do anything for anyone without counting the costs?
Do I desire to pour out my life for the person I will eventually marry?
Do I practice the concept of total self giving through the people that are in my life?
Am I selfish?
Do I prefer to always have what I want and do what I want, before considering the needs of others?
Am I impatient with the person I date and don’t give the relationship a chance to develop?
Am I only looking for someone who will serve me and please me in every way, or for someone whom I can serve and give my entire self to?
Do I have the capability of loving someone with all their faults and imperfections, or am I only willing to consider marriage if I know I the other person will always make me happy and never hurt me?
Do I see myself giving in marriage as Jesus gave in love for us on the cross?
Am I willing to choose a suitable partner and move forward with a loving marriage, or am I always making excuses for why I should not give myself completely to someone God has put into my life?

These are but a few questions to consider. As you pray before the Crucifix, allow the Holy Spirit to inspire you with further details of your life. It is all there on the cross for you to discover.

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I only have eyes for you.

Posted on March 21, 2012 | 6 Comments

In 1959, The Flamingos sang the romantic song, “I Only Have Eyes For You,” telling of love’s blindness to surroundings while eyes are fixed on the beloved.

Who doesn’t want love that is seen in the gazing into each other’s eyes?

Today, it might be sung that “I only have eyes for my phone.”  The longing to be together in person and make the kind of eye contact that shares an exchange of souls is being replaced with an obnoxious obsession to constantly gaze into the illumined screen of our mobile devices.  I have no doubt that most people look into the screen of their phone more times daily than they do into the eyes of other human beings.

The emergence of the mobile phone has rendered us officially available….always available. It has single handedly destroyed our right to solitude and private time.  In other words, we are expected to be available 24/7 just because we possess a mobile phone.  If you have one, it must be on, and you must be available for anyone who wants you to be. Right?

The crazy thing is that we have subscribed to it ourselves. No more do we permit ourselves to have times we are absolutely unavailable.

Some might say it’s a great thing because what if there is an emergency, etc, etc. Yes, I get that. But it’s hardly an excuse for taking away a person’s right to privacy.  I think this notion of constant availability in case of an emergency is bunk!  How many real emergencies do we have that can’t wait until we are done driving somewhere, attending a meeting, or even finishing our prayers?

Why do we allow calls and text messages to disrupt every aspect of our day?

I consider this is an attack on our fallen human nature; namely the excessive desire to be needed by other human beings and the desire to be in control.  These two fundamental configurations of our fallen human nature compel us to make ourselves unnecessarily available by phone. We need to be needed. And people texting each other incessantly throughout the day signifies this need. We need to be in control.  Having the ability to update your Facebook page while you sit in the line of the grocery store is empowering. Silly, but empowering.

We are at risk of losing the gift of solitude.  Life used to provide moments where no one could blame you for being out of touch.  But no more.  If you don’t answer your phone or respond to a text, there must be something wrong.  People actually get upset if the person they are trying to reach doesn’t respond for a long time (or frankly, 15 minutes).

The dating world also suffers because of this.  A couple are out on a dinner date and the phone is along for the ride.  Either one or both check their phone during the date. They must remain in touch with the rest of their world.

All relationships are suffering from this problem. People take it for granted that you don’t mind if they use their phone while they’re with you. We have been forced to share someone with their technology, and to accept it.  “Excuse me a second, I have to take this.”  “Sure, go ahead.”  Sure. It’s okay.  No problem.  I can wait.  I understand. I don’t feel like an idiot at all.  I’m just going to sit here looking around while you interact with your phone.

You might think I am over-dramatizing this.  Perhaps.  It’s true that there are good reasons to have that phone with you on a date, when you meet a friend for coffee, at a birthday party, or another event.  There are good reasons to take a call that disrupts the time you are spending with someone.  If that is the case, at least let the other know ahead of time that there is a chance of it happening and why. It should be pretty rare that you actually have to take or make a call. Can’t any of us remember the days before mobile phones?

I personally am grateful to live in a time of mobile phones.  The benefits to having them make me never want to go back. However, we have to become more disciplined about having them and using them.  We don’t want people interpreting us as being a rude person. We certainly don’t want to accept constant disruptions during important interpersonal time with the people we care about.

Just a simple thing like turning off your incoming email notifications so you don’t get those annoying alert sounds that you have new email can do wonders for your time with your dinner date. Phone interruptions take away your attention to the other person.  The flow of a good conversation might not be recovered once broken by a phone distraction.

This is bad and it needs to be addressed.  Whatever your habits are when it comes to mobile phones, you have to come to terms with them and make some changes.  Your eyes were not meant to stare into a glowing screen more often than you see the real world or the eyes of another.

Mobile phones and even texting are great things in and of themselves.  But they are not our lives, nor should they replace or disrupt normal human interaction.  We become less human and weaker spiritually as a person as we let our mobile devices dictate our time.  Reclaim your right to some privacy, some down time, and be unavailable at times. It’s okay. You can do it. Don’t feel guilty. Try it for a week and see what happens. Make it a habit. It’ll change your life.

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Posted in Dating, Single Life

Fasting that can help your love life

Posted on March 6, 2012 | 1 Comment

Lent is a time when we make an attempt to address things about our corporeal and spiritual lives that need addressing.

Unfortunately, it seems that many of us are still approaching the Lenten fast like we did as a child, choosing not only childish things for the fast but also a childish attitude, namely deciding what to “give up.”

Many give up sweets as a gesture of putting aside objectively good things associated with feasting to live the days of mourning in preparation for when they will feast again at Easter.

Some attempt to give up things they know they should give up for good, like smoking or swearing, but will either fail in the process, or successfully get through it – but at the cost of mortifying others due to their negative behavior as they were fasting, only to go right back to it on Easter.

Lent really needs to be a time get closer to Christ. This requires developing habits that will not only allow us to get closer to Christ during Lent, but throughout the rest of our lives.

To get closer to Christ requires “detachment” from those things that prevent the pursuit of a deeper personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Giving up sweets for Lent is a good universal gesture, as is the Church prescribed abstinence from meat on Fridays of Lent. These gestures help us recall what Christ has done for us because they are things we normally eat in life, and the voluntary prohibition makes us say “Ah ha! Jesus died to free me from sin.” Giving up normal good things helps prompt the mind to the memory of what Jesus has done.

But those kinds of gestures are detachments of the surface. Detachment from things or people that go deeper into our being and way of life that actually distract us from pursuing a closer friendship with Christ are to be considered at Lent. If watching movies with your free time and neglecting saying the daily rosary is a way of life for you, Lent is a time to develop the habit of saying the rosary. Perhaps you watch certain kinds of movies that inherently numb you to the things of the spiritual life, thus keeping you from being further attracted to Christ. Lent is a time to get rid of these kinds of movies.

When it comes to big things like giving up smoking, it can be too much to ask to go cold turkey. Better to gradually cut back so you have a managed detachment. At the same time, you pray for the strength to accomplish the goal and the courage to maintain it for life. You grow closer to Christ as your deliver, learning concretely that nothing is possible by our own effort, and without Christ you can do nothing good.

You detach AND step closer to Christ. That is the attitude of Lent.

The fasting that most people never even think about is the fasting that God Himself called His people to practice. It is authentic fasting that leads to blessing. This is illustrated beautifully in Isiah 58. The Lord says that the people seek and desire Him, but their fasting is done by carrying out their own pursuits, hanging their heads low, and sitting in sackcloth and ashes. “Is this what you call a fast?” the Lord asks.

He goes on to say that the fast He chooses is this:

Release those bound unjustly
Set free the oppressed
Share your bread with the hungry
Take in the homeless
Cloth the naked
Don’t turn your back on your own
Remove the accusing finger and malicious speech

Do this, and Lord says you will have light, your wounds will be healed, God will guide you, and always satisfy your thirst and give you strength. You will cry for help and the Lord will say “Here I am!”

Authentic fasting is the doing of good deeds, outlined completely in the Corporeal and Spiritual works of Mercy. It is a fast from selfish pursuits, and a reaching out to your fellow man and their needs. It is a fast from your bad habits such as pointing an accusing finger or talking maliciously of others.

The soup kitchen during Lent is an excellent example of how you can live this kind of a fast. There are so many opportunities in your every day life to authentically fast. Any opportunity to help others is an authentic fasting.

When it comes to your love life, there is much that fasting can do. Develop a regular day of fasting every week or month that is specifically for the intention of your vocation. Perhaps every Wednesday you eat one meal and no snacking. With the reality of how difficult it is to find a solid, faithful, practicing Catholic in this day and age, prayer for a future spouse might not be enough. Incorporate fasting into your efforts.

There are so many ways to live authentic fasting in the dating process. Fast from things like being overly critical or sensitive, too demanding, and assuming the worst. Fast by efforts to be more positive, interested in what the other thinks or has to say, more supportive, and finding and focusing on the best in the person. I’m sure, through prayerful consideration, you can come up with lots of things.

The spiritual works of mercy are an important aspect of marriage, since the person you marry and the children of that marriage are those you will interact with daily and are most responsible for. Focus on developing habits of living these spiritual works of mercy this Lent. Not only will you grow in personal holiness and benefit the people in your life, but you will also become thoroughly prepared for your future marriage.

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Posted in Dating, Single Life

anxiety about being single

Posted on January 31, 2012 | 9 Comments

Anyone who is not yet married give a little cringe when hearing the words of St. Paul in the second reading of the Mass this past Sunday, taken from 1 Corinthians, Chapter 7:32-35.

Basically, the advice of St. Paul is to remain unmarried because to marry is a distraction to focusing on the things of the Lord. He is quick to say that this is just his opinion, and said not to put restraint on you, but rather it’s for your own benefit.

Of course, anything that distracts us away from God is certainly not to our benefit. But to get married, in and of itself, is not a bad decision nor a distraction from God. In fact, for those who enter into it with the right intent, marriage is a vocation and will lead us closer to God in proportion to the gift we make of ourselves to the other.

However, you cannot deny St. Paul’s point that a person who is married is divided, because they are anxious about the things of their spouse. By the very nature of marriage, you must tend to the things of your spouse. You can’t tend only to the things of God while neglecting your duties as a spouse.

St. Paul wants people to grow closer to God. Perhaps St. Paul was surrounded by married people who did not have time for the kind of missionary service that he was doing and loved so much. Perhaps he just wanted single people to realize that it is so much more enjoyable and fulfilling to serve God full-time, rather than voluntarily distract yourself from God by marrying.

The main point is that St. Paul wants single people to be free of earthly anxieties. It is worth considering “anxieties” in the sense of occupying the mind with thoughts about getting married one day.

People who want to be married one day and are unhappy that they are still single spend time dwelling on this fact. Some spend quite a bit of time on it. They build up a tremendous anxiety about when it will happen and who it will be with and how it will come about. This anxiety is negative and works against the person.

Single people sometimes make themselves crazy! They are their own worst enemy by over-thinking about getting married and why it has not happened, and even question God. They want marriage so badly, they miss the opportunities they have in the now.

Jesus is very clear about living in the now, and leaving the future to itself. He is also clear about taking advantage of your opportunities. Jesus told Martha that she was anxious about many things and that Mary chose the better option; namely to visit with the Lord while He was in their midst and not lose the opportunity by busying yourself with other normal matters that you can do anytime when the Lord is not visiting.

An unmarried person has an opportunity. It is the opportunity to do things you cannot do or don’t get to do as often when you are married and have children. But it’s also an opportunity to praise God and show Him you believe you are right where you need to be, and that He is right there with you.

Some people with anxiety about getting married take that negative anxiousness and try to kill off as much time possible with useless, counter-productive things to distract them from thinking about being single.

It’s very challenging to be alone with yourself when you are going through negative anxiety. It is a demon we allow to possess us when we are not diligent about combating it properly. It’s interesting that the Gospel reading of this same Sunday with the reading of St. Paul about the unmarried has the scene of Jesus encountering the unclean spirit in the synagogue. It is a demon! Demons are real, and they present themselves in all kinds of ways, including negative anxiety.

It’s understandable to not want to be alone sometimes and need to busy yourself with things to distract yourself from a perhaps unbearable time of dealing with being unmarried. But we must not allow this natural disturbance to take hold and turn into to something worse.

To be single is not a terrible thing. To be single when you really want to be married is not a terrible thing either. I feel for those who really want to get married but have not been able to yet, and perhaps never will. But regardless of why you are unmarried, the fact is you are. Now what will you do with that today? You cannot do anything about the past, and you cannot predict tomorrow. Today is what you have to work with.

I think every person who wants to be married should feel wonderful about that desire. It is a noble desire and we pray that God blesses you with a suitable partner to marry. Keep that desire kindled, because it is from God.

But you must also keep that desire positive, while tending to the things of the Lord this day. He wants to do great things for you and with you today. He is visiting you today as He did in the town of Bethany when Mary chose to be with him. There is much you can do today as an unmarried person for others, for yourself, and in all things for God.

What are your demons related to being unmarried? Anger? Bitterness? Resentment? Jealousy of married friends? Anxiousness? Depression about why you are not married by now? Find out what demons you have with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and by His grace, get rid of them. They are actually working against you being attractive to a potential spouse, who probably cannot notice your beauty because you outwardly display negativity.

Be free! So you are unmarried. It could be worse. You could be married in the way St. Paul describes a few verses before the portion of 1 Corinthians selected in Sunday’s reading; namely, that if you marry, “such people will experience affliction in their earthly life, and I would like to spare you that.” So maybe God is sparing you the affliction that comes with being unhappily married.

Keep doing what you can to change your unmarried status to married. But don’t be obsessed about it via anxiety. You want a person who will not be a distraction away from God, but will lead you to Him. That person is worth waiting for. And if that person never comes, you will have lived each day in the now, tending to the things of the Lord, and you will be happy.

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Posted in Single Life

New year’s resolutions for singles

Posted on January 11, 2012 | 2 Comments
Another year, another long list of New Year’s resolutions waiting to be broken or fizzle out.  I am not much of a New Year’s resolution person, but many are.  God bless them!  The spirit of wanting to make a change for the better is alive and well, especially in January.Most people fail at keeping their New Year’s resolution.  Perhaps it’s because they pledge the improbable (like never eating another cookie), or they aim too high too fast and then get discouraged (like quiting smoking cold turkey).  Perhaps it is because, like typically done at Lent, they only focus on giving up something negative instead of doing something positive (like being nicer to someone).The most amusing thing to me is that it is the same old raggedy resolutions every year (like taking off those added pounds from Christmas festivities).

Let’s take a look at some of the most common New Year’s resolutions, and see how we can make them apply to becoming an improved for dating and the vocation to marriage:

Resolution #1 – Lose weight
This resolution usually has to do with exercising and better eating habits in order to lose excess pounds.  How about losing the weight of guilt and self-pity?

Too many singles allow themselves to dwell on and wallow in the hurts of past relationships.  They beat themselves up and feel guilty about what they have done.  They absorb anger for the hurt the people they have dated in the past have inflicted on them. Thus, they create a tremendous weight of guilt and self-pity, which affects their ability to be attractive.

Make a firm resolution to stop feeling guilty about what was done in your past relationships.   Take a positive attitude about who you are, what you need to learn from to be a better person, and have confidence in moving forward.  Stop the self-pity.  Please realize that this form of being over-weight affects your outward appearance too, so lose it.

Resolution #2 -Live healthier
This resolution usually has to do with approaching life with a better attitude.  How about an attitude change when it comes to relationships?

Unhealthy relationships are at an all time high.  People are dating the wrong person for the wrong reasons.  The result is unhealthy relationships that can turn into unhealthy marriages.  People get addicted to toxic relationships too readily.

Make a firm resolution to end the cycle of dating the wrong person.  Break free from your addiction to drama.  Become drama-free in 2012.  There is nothing wrong with a good, old-fashioned, boring, dull relationship with someone you actually are comfortable to be around, lives simply, and is low maintenance.  Having to be with someone exciting is over-rated.  Don’t be fooled in 2012.  Go for the steady, consistent, content type.  You won’t be sorry.

Resolution #3 – Quit smoking
This resolution is obvious; ending the purchase of expensive cigarettes and the habit of inhaling smoke and nicotine into the lungs.  How about giving up the smoke of believing everything you hear said by those you date and have a clearer pair of eyes to see obvious behavior that is not compatible with the words?

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we lived in a world where we could just take everyone at their word?  You have to consider the actions of those you are dating in order to confirm the words, or realize you are being deceived.

Make a firm resolution to stop inhaling the smoke of words said like “I love you” and taking them at face value.  Stop risking getting hurt by the deception of those you date who say one thing and do something different.  When the smoke clears, an “I love you” must be experienced in action as well as said to you.  Build your relationship on actions, not just a smoke-filled room of empty words.

(oh, and if you really do smoke cigarettes, give them up for your love life too ;-)

Resolution #4 – Improve Financial Situation
This resolution usually has to do with getting out of debt or finding more enjoyable employment, and the like.  How about being appropriate with money on dates?

Men need to spend money on the girl they have asked out.  Be a gentleman about it and don’t make a woman feel like they have to offer to pay.  And men need to get a job.  Women don’t want to risk giving up their own earning potential for someone not able to provide for a family.  Give her something to go on.  Women need to save money for when they get married, as well as resist objectifying men for what they earn or how much they spend on a woman.  Be mutually willing to have dates that are not financially taxing, too.

Make a firm resolution to not let money be an excuse.  Men, make a girl feel special and pursued by paying for the date, and make a girl feel secure about the future by having a good job and/or showing you want to work hard to provide for a family.  Women, stop judging men so strictly on their financial situation.  Times are tough and they could use encouragement and being valued for who they are, not what they make.

Resolution #5 – Volunteer
This resolution usually has to do with an impetuous feeling of needing to get involved in the community and help others.  How about volunteering some of your time to help other singles?

As a single person, it is very understandably easy to get absorbed in your own bottom line efforts to find your future spouse.  But one of the commodities singles have is each other when it comes to knowing what you need to do to improve yourself and to meet new people.   Singles know other singles.  Yet they tend to be too leery of going out on a limb to make introductions for someone they know, even when it seems obvious two people they know are perfect for each other.  We don’t want to risk friendships, so we just leave everyone to chance.

Make a firm resolution to help at least one single person become a better catch and/or meet at least one good match.   You need to help each other.  Pay it forward.  It just might mean you find the love of your life.

Additional Resolution – Appreciate what you have
In closing, I offer this one last resolution to consider.  Sometimes you are so busy being shocked by your ex’s outlandish behavior, lamenting the fact that you’re single, or filling up your day with activity that you forget to appreciate the gifts God has given.

Make a firm resolution to become a thankful and grateful person by developing a habit of reflecting on the positives in your life, and seeing what is positive in others.  You will become a person who is naturally and consistently appreciative.  And that goes a very long way in loving another for a lifetime.

Happy New Year and God’s abundant blessings upon you.

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Posted in Dating, Single Life

Confirmed Bachelor: Why good men stay single

Posted on June 4, 2011 | 2 Comments

Sorry, guys. This article is specifically to discuss the things men do wrong when it comes to getting to the bottom line; marriage and family life. I earnestly want to see confirmed bachelor syndrome die. I see too many men subscribing to the deception. Permit me to give you my top 5 symptoms of confirmed bachelor syndrome.

#1 – Lost with no direction.

Why is there so much over-thinking about if God wants you to be married? Historically, the majority of people born into this world marry and have children. It is the default vocation of the natural order. Rare is the vocation to the priesthood, religious life or (even rarer) consecrated single life. The confirmed bachelor is none of those things. He is simply in the state he arrived in from his mother’s womb; an unmarried man. Too many men waste a tremendous amount of time because they are not sure what God wants. All men should pursue marriage until they get a call to serve God and His people as a celibate priest, religious or single man. Date the women God brings into your life, choose the most suitable one, and commit to marriage.

The confirmed bachelor is an excuse maker, waiting for God to speak directly to him in words of direction. He knows these won’t come, but it sure helps him justify his indecision.

#2 – Why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free?

Here is a question you will not find on a dating website profile: “How many women have you had pre-marital sex with and what age did you start having sex?” You won’t see this question because no one would answer it truthfully. Many men, even Catholics, are having sex before marriage. Some have sex with women they would never marry, while trying to find a pure girl (some even requiring a virgin) to marry. Some have sex with the girl they are dating instead of building a quality relationship founded on friendship, faith, trust, and respect formed by his leadership and example.

Every girl these men have sex with does the following:

a) Disrespects women in general.

b) Erodes their own ability to love, honor and respect a woman for the requirements of marriage.

c) Develops a contraceptive and divorce mentality.

The confirmed bachelor is only unmarried, in my view, specifically because he is able to have sex without the marriage commitment. If men couldn’t get sex, they would get married. (I guess I just implied something very wrong with women today, huh? Oops!)

#3 Taking your sweet time.

Men have time. Women do not. Men can get married at whatever age and still have children. Women have precious little fertility time, which typically ends sometime in their 40’s.

Having whatever time they need (or so they think), men keep their options open. Young men are too young to settle down. They want to enjoy dating, pursue their interests, have fun, etc. He is too young to marry in his 20’s and too busy to marry in his 30’s.

At 40 they start realize they should take finding a woman and getting married seriously. They want children, so they disregard the women of their own age group and are only open to women in their 20’s and 30’s. Women much younger are creeped out by these much older men approaching them (there are exceptions, but they are just that….exceptions). Men enter their 50’s and 60’s still looking for someone not older than 40 so they can at least get one child out of her (presuming he is successful finding that rare woman who wants to marry a man whom she might get a few good years with before being left alone to raise the children).

#4 Blame the finances.

Too often men use their financial situation as an excuse to put off marriage. Shame on them for thinking God is fine with their putting off marriage (and don’t hide behind the “but I can’t find a good woman” excuse, they are plentiful and accessible).

Women want to be loved with exclusivity and affection, and that is their true security. Some are gold diggers, but most are not. Women need security. Not financial security, but earnings capability security. Are you making a good living that can support a family? Are you educated and resourceful enough to find work wherever you need to in order to support the family? Are you committed to the concept of providing for a family?

Supporting a family is also a subjective thing. The quality of life spiritually, emotionally, practically and psychologically can be of the highest quality no matter where you live and how much you make.

A confirmed bachelor is not too anxious to take on the responsibility of being the head of the household and breadwinner. He feels it is an old-fashioned notion for men to provide in a single income family.

#5 Hot or Not: looking for love in all the wrong places.

I can’t tell you how many great Catholic women who will make exceptional wives and mothers remain single because of men on a quest to find the wrong girl.

They’re in pursuit of a so-called “hot” woman. The real women are beautiful in their own unique ways, regardless of age or weight, if men would allow their eyes and heart to see.

Men think it’s possible to find a girl who is a good Catholic but also “hot,” but they will take her hotter over holier (I am not kidding here). Those women who have it all (objectively gorgeous as well as very religious and with great personality) do exist. But guys, do you notice the men they end up with? They are 10’s too. Sorry Charlie.

The fact is most “hot” girls are high maintenance, or lack qualities that make for a good wife and mother. They know men want them because of their looks and they sadly make a game of men.

A confirmed bachelor is one who will never make the commitment to marriage because he just doesn’t need to. He can satisfy every selfish need without having to live an unselfish life of sacrifice for another or others.

As I said, this is a list of symptoms of Confirmed Bachelor Syndrome. Many men who do have the syndrome are curable. So no ladies, all men are NOT pigs, nor are they purposely trying to hurt you. They do not need your anger, bashing, or condemnation. They need your prayers, kindness, gentleness, and understanding. And they need you to do your part to not enable them.

Men, hang in there. Be humble. Recognize these things, wake up, and realize the error of your ways. Ask for the grace of conversion. If you show signs of any of these symptoms of Confirmed Bachelor Syndrome, please take action and seek help right away for relief and freedom into the healthier lifestyle men are called to. Your future wife and children are depending on you.

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Posted in Single Life

Can you handle the unexpected?

Posted on May 30, 2011 | Comments Off

The ease of a relationship is usually what makes two people dating believe they have found “the one.”

I often tell people that you need to take a long road trip so you get to see all sides of this so-called perfect person. Lots of true colors can come up on a long road trip. It’s good to see these colors, in order to see how you cope with the unexpected.

Circumstances and disappointments are the cornerstone of any relationship. If you want to be in a great relationship of love and happiness, you have to accept that things are not going to go like you want them to. It will be filled with lots of unexpected things.

If you cannot cope well with the unexpected, it could mean you have a problem with change. More specifically, it might be that you are too easily upset if things do not go as you expect. Change is a MUST when it comes to marital love. Whenever you live a relationship with another human being, there will be change. Therefore, you have to learn to change your attitude about approaching life.

Those who cannot make the necessary adjustments to the other person usually find themselves upset. Their inability to cope with the unexpected causes the overall relationship to develop big problems. One thing you learn about in good marriage preparation is how to determine whether a problem that arises requires a must-change in behavior or attitude, or to just forgive and move on. This implies that we are not to be doormats regarding things we expect. If we have reasonable expectations, then it can sometimes be valid to want them resolved.

A typical argument a couple might have starts with: “I’m not even going to talk to you about this anymore because I know I can’t change your mind.” If you really “know” you can’t change someone’s mind, then you need to find peace with it within yourself. Find that peace, accept what you cannot change, and move on. Some people are never going to enjoy Disney vacations, or documentary movies, or hang their clean towel up. If you truly believe they won’t change, there’s no point in arguing.

However, in the moment, it’s the “dealing” with the unexpected that reveals who we are and where we are in our spiritual life. This is where having a good sense of humor and a firm trust in God’s will in all things helps us. So you might be a little late and you like to be on time? So you were really looking forward to doing something and the other doesn’t feel like it? Building a relationship is about adjusting to the situation when it is called for. So many petty things are turned into major issues simply because your plans and your will must dominate.

Far too often, those who are in a dating relationship are ready to throw in the towel because of some difficult circumstances. The other doesn’t talk as much as you want them to, or they talk too much, or they don’t readily talk about things you want to talk about. Or maybe the other has something about their past or upbringing that you would prefer never happened. It is a sign to that this must not be the one, when if fact you may need to consider if you have a coping problem. And frankly, if you take yourself way too seriously.

To take yourself too seriously means you cannot see past your own expectations, and thus you are easily thrown off course and distance yourself. The person on the receiving end of this response cannot help but feel they have done something wrong.

People who cannot handle the unexpected might consider not pursuing marriage. A relationship of love is a mutual exchange of persons. If you cannot handle who that person is, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it is not the right person. It might actually be the best person for you to benefit your changing for the better. Love cannot be a one way street where one person dominates all aspects of life due to their immovability when it comes to how things must be. That is not love, nor is it a healthy relationship.

Everything that happens can be a positive if we have the right attitude and disposition. Even things that are legitimate problems that need to be discussed and resolved can be positives because they fashion us into better people.

As you date someone, you don’t want to set your sights on finding someone who makes your life easy. You want to find someone who makes it easy to get through the challenges, the struggles, the disappointments, the unexpected. I would argue that you are throwing caution to the wind if you marry someone you have never fought with, nor confirmed your own ability to successfully get past negative things caused by this person you supposedly love.

Choosing wisely for marriage has much more to do with knowing that you are capable of handling change. Accept that life is full of the unexpected, and it is the call of true love to cope with these unexpected circumstances and disappointments. This is a major way we help the person we love feel relaxed and safe with us, and feel that freedom to be themselves.

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Posted in Dating, Single Life

A real person can truly love

Posted on May 14, 2011 | Comments Off

“Real isn’t how you are made. It’s a thing that happens to you. You become.”

The Velveteen Rabbit is a children’s classic. In the story of the Velveteen Rabbit, the bunny desires to be “real” to the little boy. The bunny desires to be real because this means that he is truly loved and cherished.

This story holds a powerful message for those who are seeking their future spouse. What does this mean, being a real person?

To be a real, you have to know who you are. You need to be loved for who you are. Not the person that you have the potential to be, or for who someone else might prefer you to be, but for yourself. Most importantly, you need to love as the person you are.

There is only one way to ensure that you are loved for yourself. You must know yourself. The best way to know yourself is to be confident and secure in the person that God created. God wants us to grow and be enhanced by the gifts He gives to us. He wants us to be confident and secure as the person we are. Too often we are ready to forfeit ourselves just to please another person. This is a betrayal to ourselves and to God. We cheapen the gift of our person by seeking human love at all expense.

Only God can provide the perfect and unconditional love we need. We cannot expect that from another human being. So becoming somebody else that we think will make this other person love us is not only a tragedy, it is lie. What happens when you cannot keep up this persona? The person you forfeited yourself for starts to see your true self, and then feels cheated. God willing, perhaps this person will love you as you really are. But that is too high of a risk. The odds are against you.

So who is the real you? What makes you YOU? What are you likes and dislikes? What kind of person would enhance who you are? Finding out what is real makes you able to offer what is real and true about you. This is when we are most happy and free.

Perhaps there are things about you that are not so Godly. Just because we say “this is who I am,” doesn’t mean it is how we should stay. The starting point to remedy this possibility is to put ourselves up against Our Lord, Jesus Christ. Ultimately, who we are is HIS! It is He Who ransomed us from sin by the giving of His Life. It is HE who bought us with His blood, and we are HIS slave. Slave, in the sense that we owe Him everything because He has given us everything. It is a life long debt to be paid.

More than this, we are actually baptized into His life. We are configured to Him. We share the divine life through baptism, and we are His brother in every sense of the word.

That is what is real about us. We are Christians. That is who we are, first and foremost. No one should have an identity crisis who claims to be a Christian. Who we are is Jesus Christ. What is unique about us as a person must coincide with the life of Christ we are called to lead. We have an obligation to become saints. We can’t just say, “I’ve gotta be me.” As Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen said, “We’ve gotta be HIS.” Knowing ourself, in the Christian approach, means figuring out all the sinful tendencies and habits we have.

The love we receive from Christ is a merciful love full of the power of His grace to free us from sin. Build your relationship with Christ. Seek your validation from Christ. Depending on other humans for our happiness is a painful experience, because no one is perfect. But the One who is perfect loves us in spite of our flaws, and desires to see us grow into the full person that He means us to be.

This is the only way we can really be loved, and to love another in return. This approach helps us understand that the people we date are on this same road, and they are working on themselves. The call of Christ in dating and choosing a spouse is in the acceptance of the other’s faults and seeing that the real person we love is a fallible, frail human being with the life of Christ working through Him.

“Does it hurt?” asks the Velveteen Rabbit about becoming real. The truthful answer in the story is “sometimes,” but the answer in this life is: always. It does hurt to become real. It is difficult to stick by our convictions. It goes against our willful desires to make those necessary changes in our character, our behavior, and the way we present ourselves outwardly. It’s hard to stay the most real you in the face of the temptations of the world. The hardest part of all is caring for someone who cannot love you for the person that you are. But to deny all the facets that make you yourself is to deny Christ. He made you, talents, imperfections, and all. He desires to see us grow, but He does not desire to see us deny all the good things about ourselves which make us unique.

Being real doesn’t happen to people “who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept.” But once you are real it lasts “for always.” It takes strength to become a true individual. It takes prayer, and perseverance. It takes seeking the truth with honesty and humbleness of heart. And like the Velveteen Rabbit, there are scars that are a result of the journey. The bunny is so loved by the boy that his fur wears off, he loses his shape, his whiskers were “loved off.”

The Lord loves us so much and desires our growth in such a way that sometimes our trials and tribulations are painful. Like the Velveteen Rabbit, we need to say yes to these trials and accept them. The difficult times that we face make us stronger, force us to grow, and encourage us to get closer to God. As our reward we are the most real versions of ourselves that we can be in this world, if we take these crosses and bear them with joy for the Lord’s sake.

In the story, the love that the little boy had for his bunny is so powerful that the rabbit is recreated into an actual real, living rabbit. This is the resurrection we are promised after this life. By trying to be our most authentic self now, we please God, and we can become a gift to others.

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Posted in Single Life

Meditation on the Crucifix for Single Catholics

Posted on April 21, 2011 | Comments Off

For Catholics, the Crucifix is essential for living our daily lives. The Crucifix is the symbol of Christ’s ultimate act of love for us. The Crucifix depicts Jesus nailed to the cross and dying for our sins. We hang a crucifix on the walls of our homes and wear a crucifix on a chain around our necks so that we will be visibly reminded of Jesus’ love for us and our redemption.

For those who desire a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ, the Crucifix also serves as an ideal focus of meditation. Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen said that the summary of all our sins can be found on the Crucifix. It is, therefore, the perfect way to examine our consciences.

Examining our consciences while gazing on the Crucifix will differ from person to person primarily depending on our state in life. For unmarried Catholics who are open to marriage and are dating members of the opposite sex, an examination of conscience while meditating on the Crucifix should include considerations related to the desire and efforts toward marriage.

The things Jesus suffered on the cross are have a direct correlation to the sins we all commit, and he suffered through His body for them all. The following is an example of what a single Catholic might consider at they meditate on the Crucifix:

The Sacred Head crowned with thorns - The sins we commit in our mind
The head containing the very mind of God with all wisdom and knowledge is used for a sick joke to mock Him as king by the crowning with piercing thorns.

Do I allow and foster impure thoughts?
Do I allow myself to think ill will about members of the opposite sex?&
Am I still scarred from past relationships that my attitude going into a new relationship is to be close minded
Do I harbor resentment for those who have hurt me in the past, and allow that to affect my current relationship?
Am I thinking about other things while with someone I am dating?
Do I think about someone else I would prefer to be with?
Do I date people I already know I would never be open to love and marriage with just to have someone to go on a date with?
Do I think about inappropriate sexual things while on a date?
Do I try to think of ways to get the person I am dating to have sex with me?

The hands nailed to the wood of the cross - The sins we commit with our hands
Hands that touched and were raise for healing and performing miracles are nailed to wood like common parchment.

Have I tried to touch a person I am dating inappropriate or impurely?
Have I ever physically hit someone I am dating?
Have I avoided doing things for the person I am dating like cooking for them, or doing works of charity?
Do I masturbate while looking at images of the opposite sex or thinking about the person I am dating?
Do I type dishonest information about myself or send uncharitable messages on dating websites?

The feet nailed to the wood of the cross - The sins we commit with our feet
The feet that took Jesus all over Judea so that so many people could experience the Incarnate Word among us and come to believe are now made stationary with one nail through both feet.

Have I used the gift of walking to go to places I do not belong?
Have I walked into places of pornography?
Do I avoid going out on dates because I would rather indulge in my own selfish interests?
Do I procrastinate going to places or into environments that offer me a chance to meet a quality person of the opposite sex?

The body of Christ stripped of His garments - The sins we commit of the flesh
As if He is not humiliated enough from the scourging and the carrying of his cross, Jesus is made to be fully exposed in body as His clothes are removed.

Have I exposed myself to a person I am dating inappropriately, which is harmful to both of us?
Have I tried to remove the clothing of the person I am dating in an attempt to engage in pre-marital sex?
Do I show too much of my body publicly?

The Sacred Heart pierced with a lance - The sins we commit in our heart
Blood and water bursts out from Jesus’ side after his Sacred Heart is pierced, showering the crowds with the fullest extent of His love and cleansing those who would be splashed with the graces of mercy.

Am I protective of the heart of the person I am dating?
Am I careful not to break the heart of the person I am dating through insensitivity or selfishness?
Do I see the heart of the person I date as something to win and make feel safe?
Am I too quick to allow my heart to feel love for someone I am dating as to make it vulnerable to heartbreak?
Is my heart closed off and too guarded as to not allow a nice person I am dating to get to know me and to foster love?
Am I patient and gentle about creating an atmosphere in my dating relationship that makes the other feel safe to share themselves with me?
Am I a good friend, or am I hard to get to know and too quick to cut someone off when things go wrong?
Do I lust after members of the opposite sex in my heart?
Does my heart desire things that are incompatible with true love and marriage?
Do I allow my heart to be attached to someone I am no longer dating or whom I could never be married to?

The outstretched arms - The sins we commit of being unwelcoming
Jesus’ arms are pulled out as far as they can go, as if to show us that God loves us that much (both arms held out in full extension). Who among us can ever extend our arms out in full and say we love anyone that much?

Am I a welcoming person and make people feel comfortable?
Are my arms always outstretched and open to comforting those who need it?
Do I offer my arms to give hugs?
Do I offer the person I am dating chaste hugs to show my affection and care?
Is my attitude in life to smile and open my arms to receive, or do I always look miserable and reserved and keep my arms to my side as to be stand offish?

The suffering in silence - The sins we commit with our lips and our speech
Amidst the chaos of the crowd shouting at Jesus to save Himself and come down from the cross, He silently endures, speaking very little, and only when necessary.

Am I quick to talk and slow to listen?
Do I speak without thinking or consideration for the other person?
Do I enjoy complaining to friends about bad dates or the opposite sex?
Do I remain silent and accept annoying things on a date, or do I have to make comments? Do I look for positive things to say about the person I am dating, or do I only have negative things to say?
Do I say “I’m sorry” when I have said or done something wrong?
Do I say things that will help resolve problems with the person I am dating, or do I remain silent and allow things to get worse while waiting for the other to make things right?
Do I say the words “I love you” too prematurely or without backing it up with actions that prove love?
Do I speak kindly and with self control, or do I raise my voice or shout to make my points? Do I do all the talking?
Do I keep to myself too much and make the other uncomfortable trying to find things to talk about?
Am I abusive in my conversations the person I am dating, making them feel bad, hurting their feelings, or trying to manipulate them?
Do I have a sincere desire to use the give of speech to build up others and not tear them down?

The eyes impaired by blood and closing from death approaching - The sins we commit with our eyes
The blood from Jesus’ pierced head drips into his eyes, which now have only a distorted vision of the world.

Do I look appropriately at the opposite sex?
Do I realize that my eyes are the windows to my soul and everything I look at affects me?
Do I lack the will power to guard my eyes from those things I know are wrong?
Do I partake in looking at pornography?
Do I watch too much television or too many movies?
Do I partake in too much media entertainment, or watching the news?
Do I feel I need to see the things I allow myself to see?
Do I look at the person I am dating when I talk or listen to them, or do I look away a lot?
Do I make my date feel uncomfortable by looking at him or her inappropriately?
Do I look at members of the opposite sex while I am out with my date?
Am I wise and prudent about what I watch and read?
Do I criticize the person I am dating when I observe what they do?
Do I dress modestly when I go out on a date so I am not an occasion of sin?
Do I do inappropriate things to get the attention of members of the opposite sex?
Do I observe the needs of the person I am dating and do what I can in charity, or to be a gentleman or lady?
Do I pay close attention to the things that are unique about the person I am dating and their interests so I can really get to know them?
Do I do things for the person I am dating that shows that I have been paying attention to who they are?

The blood poured out from every part of the body The sins we commit from holding back giving our life to others
Jesus is visibly unrecognizable as He is covered in His own blood from head to toe, showing that love holds back nothing, willingly goes to the furthest extent, and can affect our our outward appearance as well as our inner being.

Am I the kind of person who will do anything for anyone without counting the costs?
Do I desire to pour out my life for the person I will eventually marry?
Do I practice the concept of total self giving through the people that are in my life?
Am I selfish?
Am I overly concerned with looks when discerning a suitable partner, or do I understand that love goes beyond outward appearance?
Do I understand that looks change as love is lived over time?
Do I make sure I always have what I want and do what I want, even before service to others?
Do I get upset when things do not go as planned?
Am I impatient with the person I date and don’t give the relationship a chance to develop?
Am I only looking for someone who will serve me and please me in every way when I am dating, or for someone whom I can serve and give my entire self to?
Do I have the capability of loving someone with all their faults and imperfections, or am I only willing to consider marriage if I know I the other person will always make me happy and never hurt me?
Do I see myself giving in marriage as Jesus gave in love for us on the cross?
Am I willing to choose a suitable partner and move forward with a loving marriage, or am I always making excuses for why I should not give myself completely to one person?

These are but a few questions to consider. As you pray before the Crucifix, allow the Holy Spirit to inspire you with further details of your life. It is all there on the cross for you to discover.

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Posted in Single Life

When you can’t forget the past.

Posted on February 23, 2011 | Comments Off

Recently, I wrote that a key thing to working through being hurt is to forgive and forget. This is how God deals with our offenses against Him, therefore we are required to do the same. I assumed this was common knowledge.

But I was wrong! There was no problem with the forgive part, but the forget part seemed to cause quite a stir. I have to admit that this idea of forgiving and forgetting could be confusing. Perhaps I should have touched on the concept of resentment, because that seems to be the problem with understanding the concept of forgetting. When we harbor resentment, it causes harm to ourselves, it does nothing positive or productive, and it keeps us from healing and moving forward.

“But how can I forget what was done to me?” That is what we ask when we are badly hurt. It’s a fair question. But have we ever considered what might be motivating this question? Is it because we want to prevent what hurt us from happening again? Is it because we believe it should not have happened to us? Do we get mad at God because of how unfair it seems? Or is it because we have a “need” to remember it?

All of these motives seem reasonable. But realistically, the pursuit of any one of them is likely to end in disappointment. Wanting to find out the cause and prevent future happenings sounds good and is a noble goal. But doesn’t it to eat away at us as we try to answer the question “Why did you do it?” And why questions are very difficult to get answered in a way that brings peace. Many times the answer is “I don’t know, ”and that can make it worse.

Believing it should not have happened in the first place is a fruitless exercise. First, no one can promise they will never hurt you. Secondly, am I entitled to never be hurt? Is there something so special about me that I get to be excluded from Jesus’ promise of the cross and that those who follow Him would have to go through what He went through? Or is it that we should be entitled to choose our own cross, of which we would definitely exclude being hurt by someone we love as an option?

It’s the last motive that gives me the most reason to pause; namely the “need” to remember the hurt. This is a reality about human beings that we all have to be careful about. Sadly, some people feel better remembering the hurtful things done to them. There is a kind of comfort in revisiting those feelings and recalling the events. What a prison we build for ourselves when we harbor resentment. It’s like listening to the same song over and over, letting yourself feel the pain each time.

And who wins in that scenario? The person who has offended you has likely already forgotten it or does not even realize they did anything “wrong”, either because it was unintentional or because they are chronically abusive. There you are, in a torture chamber, holding someone else responsible for the misery you choose to continue dwelling in. You are the one building your own prison when you keep a hurtful event on a continual loop in your mind.

If there is abuse in the relationship (physical, verbal, psychological), then this is a different story. Abusive relationships are in a class by themselves. Abused people need to be handled with care and more information. Though still called to forgive and forget, but they must also tend to their personal safety and sanity. But being abused does not give license to behave however you like. If you continue to dwell on the horrible things that happened to you, then you are just as broken as you were when you hadn’t the spirit to defend yourself.

Putting abused persons aside, I want to stick with the typical person who is a sinner, who can have normal, healthy relationships, though they have fallen human nature capable of hurting other people. Being hurt in a relationship is part of our journey and helps us become the saints we are called to be.

Because of this fact, we need to expect to be hurt. Christ’s call to forgive “seventy times seven” implies we will be hurt a great deal throughout life. His commandment to “love one another as I have loved you” is the explicit call to live love even when it hurts the most. Jesus’ love for us is not just a forgiving of our sins, but also forgetting them.

We must pause to ask ourselves, “Do I truly know how to forgive as Jesus forgives?”

Take the Gospel scene of Peter, whom Jesus loved (with as real of an affection as any of us have for any person), betraying Jesus in his darkest hour (Peter abandons Him and denies knowing Him three times). Look at how Jesus handles Peter after the Resurrection. Jesus does not make Peter recount what he did, but instead receives him with welcome and draws out Peter’s love with a call to prove his love in service.

Jesus forgets about what Peter did and moves forward in the assumption of Peter’s core love for Him, not Peter’s human weakness capable of betraying him. Peter, in turn, never forgets what he did to the Lord, and strives all his life to make up for it. This is the power of forgiving and forgetting.

So what does it mean to forget?

It does not mean forgetting how it felt to experience an unjust action. It means the ability to face that memory prevent it from having power to influence us in a negative way, whether it be thought, action, or feeling. It is an act of the will, and it does not require the absence of negative memory. How is it possible to make such an act of the will when the memory of feeling that pain still exists?

It’s called the grace of God. God can heal us in very impressive ways if we will let Him. His grace can help anyone rise above what is humanly “normal.”

Therefore if we pray enough, and seek God with great humility, and we act on this desire for God via the sacraments Jesus provided for us in the Catholic Church (particularly Confession and the Holy Eucharist), there is nothing we cannot rise above and or be totally renewed from.

The point is forgiving and forgetting are both supernatural actions, meaning only God can forgive in such a way. We need to develop a deep relationship with Jesus Christ. This is the way we forgive.

Grace does not remove the memory of the injustices of our life. It does something even better. It sanctifies these events, giving us a peace to understand, and a new pair of eyes to see the deeper purpose. Grace overcomes resentment and empowers us to control the memory of feelings. This is the way we forget.

Forgetting what someone did to you does not mean giving someone permission to keep hurting you in the same way. Letting go of the resentment and anger requires detachment from your belief that you are entitled to protection from pain.

Controlling the power feelings of the past have over you and living the grace of God, Who is love itself, is how you forget. Go to Jesus Christ in the Blessed Sacrament for that grace and ability to control the feelings and memories.

 

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Posted in Marriage, Single Life

Are We Too Sensitive to Find Love?

Posted on February 15, 2011 | Comments Off

Part of the frustrations of dating include the hurts one inevitably experiences. Both men and women get their fair share, and the hurts must be lived with and overcome.

I don’t think it is good to be too quick to dismiss the pain someone experiences. Their hurt is real and should be given its due time. It is a disservice to people to say anything that might make them feel foolish for feeling hurt. For the moment, we must be empathetic.

The concern is when these hurts are permitted to go into a deeper place, crippling the person emotionally and psychologically. This happens when the hurt is allowed to fester. We believe that we should not have been hurt, and that to be hurt is such a grave injustice that it warrants an interior rebellion.

This happens because we are over-sensitive. Easily disturbed. Easily taking this personally. To be too sensitive is to take ourselves too seriously. We believe we have some kind of right to never have an injustice done to us.

This kind of attitude tells God that we believe He should not allow anything bad to happen to us. And this is not a Christian position to take. In fact, it is the opposite. To be a Christian is to suffer injustices, persecutions, and pain of all kinds. Jesus told us that if we are to be His disciple, we are to follow Him. That path we follow is right to Calvary. He also told us that no servant is greater than his master, and that if they would persecute Him, we could expect the same.

Therefore, being hurt is a part of life, and accepting that is a healthy reality to living the Christian life. So we must expect that people will hurt us. We must not allow these hurts to affect us so deeply that it alters who we are and who we are meant to become, namely saints. Patient acceptance of suffering refines us into this saintly call.

Suffering is a gift from God and an invitation to draw closer to the crucified Lord and His mission to save the world. There are souls to be saved, and suffering offered for souls helps people who are still alive come to Christ, as well as helping those in Purgatory. We have all heard it said that we should “offer it up.” Well, this is precisely what that means.

It is not an easy thing to do in the moment, but we all must learn to practice recognizing hurtful things done to us as gifts from God. I’m not saying that we should not feel the injustice of what has happened and do something about it if it is possible and makes sense for bettering the situation. But we must be careful about how these hurts affect us.

The answer to making sure we are not too affected by hurts is forgiveness. This is actually the main purpose of the Lord’s mandate to forgive. Forgiving ensures three critical things: 1) that the other person knows that you do not hold what they did against them, or if this person is not asking forgiveness or maybe has no clue they did anything wrong, you still have released them; 2) that YOU have have relieved yourself from the bondage of any negative affects that result from what was done to you by honestly and sincerely forgiving and forgetting; and 3) that no person has any power over you to affect you in such a way that it can alter your peace and holiness.

It’s very key that forgiving is accompanied by forgetting. This is how God treats our sins, so we are required to treat others the same way. We have to forget about it, especially not to relive something done to us in the past.

It is also key that we realize that whenever we notice how easily we are hurt and take something so personally that it affects our peace, this is a sign that we are not as close to God as we should be. This is a daily test of all of us. And the more we love and trust someone, the easier it is for us to be hurt. I know for myself, it is no easy task to maintain the peace of Christ whenever I am experiencing an uncomfortable or hurtful comment from someone.

Peace is too precious of a gift to allow it to be squandered and lost so readily at the hands of another person. Lose your peace and you are opening the door to so many unthinkable things that will damage you, perhaps permanently.

The peace of Christ is a tremendous help towards finding love and getting married. Learning from the hurts that come via the dating process is much better than being damaged by the hurts. The more peace you maintain, the more personal happiness you have. A happy, content person is so attractive! Even more important, you will get much closer to God. Closeness to God can only work positively toward your bottom line. And in turn, others will enjoy being around you.

On the contrary, a hurt person who has allowed hurt after hurt to pile up, and resentment to set it, is an unattractive person. Sadly, most people who suffer from this state of being don’t realize just how unattractive they are, and (God forbid it) how potentially abusive they are.

Go to the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament and pray to Him to be converted from any tendency to be over-sensitive, and to teach you how to forgive and forget. Ask Him to restore His peace in you and for the strength and courage to never allow any human being to have the power to take away your peace.

 

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Posted in Dating, Single Life

St. Bernadette’s Lessons in Love

Posted on February 11, 2011 | Comments Off

Our Lady of Lourdes and this feast day are special to me. I read an article that was pointing out the fact that St. Bernadette returned to the cave to see “The Lady” again on Valentine’s Day. The article went on to attempt to compare the love Bernadette had for God to the concept of people looking for love.

I’m disappointed in this particular association because Valentine’s Day as we know it had nothing to do with this important appearance of Our Lady. The conclusion of the article was that we are to let love find us instead of trying to find it ourselves, just as St. Bernadette was found by the love of God.

I am all for this concept of love. Let’s all make it a point to love God first and seek Him in ourselves, in others, and all aspects of life. But I don’t see how the love the saints had for God helps those looking for love and marriage. At least not at the practical level.

If we have to search for something about St. Bernadette and the Lourdes apparition that could be of practical help to the concept of human love and relationships, I would suggest we take a look at her circumstances, her character, her vocation, and her posture toward the miraculous waters she discovered.

First, her circumstances. She was born into intense poverty. Her family lived in a one room dwelling that used to be a jail. In this one space, they had a fireplace to use for cooking and a couple of beds. There was absolutely no privacy and no personal possessions. A simple life is an understatement, and it was not a choice. Yet, the six children had their needs met somehow and the family lived gratefully.

Second, her character. Bernadette was described by those who knew her as being of quiet and modest demeanor, with a lively sense of humor and pleasing personality. She did poorly in school and was not very bright. Yet, her gentle way and profound humility won the favor of Heaven enough that Our Lady chose to appear to her. Bernadette herself stated that she was the most ignorant person in the world and that’s why Our Lady must have appeared to her. She was obedient in all things, even when her priest ordered her not to return to the grotto. Though it crushed her deeply, she obeyed. And finally, her patient suffering. The sisters in her convent were cruel to her because of the popularity she enjoyed from the apparition. She was always in a good mood despite the tumor growing on her knee that deformed her leg.

Third, her vocation. After Our Lady stopped appearing to her, she spent several years in school working to graduate. She naturally believed her vocation to be marriage. It was her priest who encouraged her to consider entering the convent, stressing that to have such contact with Heaven was the beginning of a deeper calling, which would be realized in the vocation to the religious life. She was open to it, though not sure she was fit for such a noble life.

Finally, the miraculous waters. She discovered the water which has healed so many others, but she did not partake in them herself. As the movie “The Song of Bernadette” so beautifully portrays, when asked why she does not go to the water to be healed of her tumor, she declared, “the water is not for me.” In other words, she was called to be so closely united to the Lord that her illness was a gift, not something to be taken away.

St. Bernadette is a real woman. She is an inspiration to what it means to be a real person in ordinary circumstances of life and God’s ability to use us if we are available to him. It would be of great value to all single people to consider these aspects of the person of St. Bernadette and her life and follow her example.

Do you have such humility that you accept who you are and all that life deals you, and find joy and peace? Do you have the courage to be yourself and act on what is true regardless of what others might think of you or do to you? Is your demeanor such that you are pleasant to be around? Do you have a good sense of humor? Are you patient, especially in suffering, not making your problems a burden to others, but rather see them as opportunities for union with Christ?

These are sound qualities of a good spouse, as well as a good person. There is much to learn from St. Bernadette that can help anyone seeking to be in love and be married. May she and Our Lady of Lourdes provide you with the assistance to be a quality person and docile instrument of the Lord.

 

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Posted in Marriage, Single Life

Do single men put the toilet seat down?

Posted on December 11, 2010 | Comments Off

Picture Dwight Schrute saying, “Question.  Do single men put the toilet seat down?”  That’s a good question, Dwight.

Are toilet seats really the kind of subject matter for polite conversation?   I suppose not.  But I have to say, the toilet seat question is actually a pretty big deal.   Perhaps it shouldn’t be, but for many women, the ability of a man to put the toilet seat down is a courtesy they expect and a sign that he loves her and cares.

Of course, since we are in the restroom, we should also address the replacing the toilet paper issue; namely, the annoying action of just plopping it on top of the holder instead of putting it on the roller.

Guys, do you put the seat down?  And do you put the roll on the roller or just plop it on top?   I honestly don’t remember when I was single if I did these things.  But that’s because I’m a guy, and we really don’t think about such things.

These are not just issues of the married.  If you live at home with your family and have to deal with male siblings or your father, or if you have male visitor to your home, etc., you have crossed this issue.

However, for the married, it can be the kind of issue that triggers larger issues that are outstanding and unresolved, thus being the catalyst for a good fight, typically involving yelling and accusations about what is wrong with the other, with a desire to hopefully (though unrealistically) change the other person.

If it could be caught on camera and viewed by a large audience, it would result in much laughter.  Perhaps a comedian or two have done skits on this.  I’m not sure.  But nothing would compare to seeing it unfold with the actual persons.

It starts with the absurdity the wife feels for the lack of consideration by the husband to leave the toilet seat up, or if the toilet paper remains on top of the roller.   A kind of “last straw” look comes over her face, followed by a storming out of the restroom in pursuit of locating the good-for-nothing husband.  (Keep in mind she has totally abandoned the original purpose for which she has gone into the restroom in the first place, at least for the time being).

Upon locating said good-for-nothing, she asks a why question.  “Why do you insist on leaving that [choice words] toilet seat up?”  Notice the question includes a harsh assumption (i.e. insist), and said in a tone that is out of proportion with the question, as if to really state “This means war!”

I have never quite understood why women consider this to be the best first tactic.  Why ask why?  Do women really think men do this on purpose?   Picture a man going into his lavatory (I love that word) and saying to himself “Now, remember, don’t touch that seat, we really want to get her goat this time,” or “No, don’t put that roll of paper on the roller unless you want her to think you really care.”

I have to believe women know ahead of time there is no answer to that “why?” question.  Most why questions have no answer.  Just walk up to him with a smile, sit him down, take his hand, and say, “Now darling, I love you very much, you know that, but I just want you to know that when you don’t put the seat down it bothers me.”  Perhaps add, in only the gentle, loving way a wife can, “so please put the seat down or I will tear your hair out, my love.  Thank you.”

Will this solve the problem?  Of course not.  Men are dense, and they don’t think.   Does that make us terrible or incapable of marriage?  Not at all.  We are simply slow to learn when it comes to such things.

But if men could learn to put the seat up and to help out by putting the toilet paper on the roller instead of plopping it on top, it would go a long way in many ways.

1)  It will make her happy.  And guys, we do want to make our girl happy, no?
2)  It will NOT go unnoticed.  Women notice these things and they take note.  You will get some major brownie points.
3)  You develop a very good habit.  It not only accomplished the goal, but it also teaches you how to think about little things that don’t exactly matter to you either way.  It will open the door to other thoughtful things around the house you could start doing that otherwise you would not.
4)  You have a nice card to play if and when you get in trouble about some other little thing.  “At least I am putting the seat down, right?”  Having a card like that will always defuse the explosion that is coming at you.

Unfortunately, old habits die hard, so us married men have to endure causing many hardships on our wives and the aftermath of our rude misdemeanors around the house.  But there is hope for the single men who have time now to change their ways.

Single men and women who want to be married should be living their lives as single people developing habits that are conducive and productive for their future married life.    You will avoid many unnecessary disturbances in the home.  But more than that, you will have laid the foundation for becoming a person who will be thoughtful on more important and larger issues that can really make a marriage last and provide a maximum of happiness for the other.

This is a noble goal, to make another person as happy as they can be.  A thoughtful, attentive spouse can make that happen in a big way.  A thoughtless, self-absorbed spouse can make it just the opposite.

So if you want to make a girl happy, get into that habit of putting the seat down and putting the toilet paper on the roller.  Then start finding out other things that really make women smile and feel special, and develop those habits.  When you get married, you will be bringing to the table a lot of good little things that can make a difference.

A final word to the ladies.  I know our frat house ways are disturbing, but do go easy on us.  We are not personally out to get you.  We love you very much and want your happiness.  It’s just that we are men.  And please, please, if your problem is really with the toilet seat, then stick to only the toilet seat issue.  We cannot process an entire lifetime of rude and selfish behaviors thrown at us all at once.  You have a better shot at helping change our ways with a gentle and focused approach.  Otherwise, we will shut down and distance ourselves.

Love is in the little things that say you really noticed what is important to the one you love

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Posted in Marriage, Mars & Venus, Single Life

How to move on after a break up.

Posted on November 15, 2010 | Comments Off

You have broken up with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Your marriage you hoped would last has ended in divorce.
Your spouse has died leaving you a widow.
How do you move on?

Going through the end of a relationship is…… Hard? Difficult? Crushing?

Well, it’s kind of foolish to try and to describe something so indescribable. The mystery of the emotional experience that comes from a relationship being over has no benchmark, and cannot be consoled in any universal way. This experience is unique to each person who goes through it because every person is unique. Because none of us can be duplicated, no experience we go through can be duplicated by anyone else. Even if we have gone through the same kind of experience as someone else, it is never experienced exactly the same way at the personal level.

Therefore, moving on afterward is no easy task because there is no one else in the whole world who has gone through what you have gone through. Not really, anyway. Because of this fact, how we cope and get through it, and ultimately move on, is dependent on God and His grace.

This might sound very pious and a typical thing for some religious person to say, but it is no less true. Only God knows us completely, and only God can help us as we need to be helped. The fact is you are broken and in need of healing. You are in need of a physician  to fix you and make things right again. What human person is qualified to do that?

What can another person really do to help? You break up with someone, or you get divorced, or you become a widow. What can someone else really do? They feel bad and try to console. But how much does this really help your bottom line?

This kind of help is called “sympathy.” Sympathy takes the time to acknowledge another’s pain and suffering, but cannot identify with it, and therefore, cannot have a connection with the person. They are on the outside looking in. That is the best they can do. It’s wonderful when someone has sympathy, but this cannot work toward healing the suffering person. For example, a man is dying of cancer. His boss learns of it and shares his sadness to hear this news. He cannot possibly know what this man is going through, and therefore his level of concern stops at being on the outside observing the suffering.

The closest a human person can come to helping someone who is suffering is to have “empathy.” Empathy has to do with sharing in the experience; to enter in and be with the person; to go through it with them in some way. A person capable of empathizing with another person can do wonders toward helping that person.

A typical place to find empathy is from someone very close to you who knows you well and loves you deeply (i.e., a family member or a close friend) or someone who has gone through something very similar. These two kinds of people can empathize. If you are suffering, finding someone who can empathize with you can really help you heal.

Interestingly enough, any person can develop the ability to empathize. In fact, it is part of the Christian call to sanctity to be someone who can empathize. The more we are able to put ourselves into the shoes of another person, the more we are able to step outside of our own selfishness and develop the selfless love for one another Jesus commands us to have.

You see, only Jesus Christ has gone through whatever any human being will ever go through. He knows what it is like to go through what you are going through. The betrayal of a friend; the loss of loyalty and trust; the agony of physical, mental, and emotional trauma; the hypocrisy of words of promise not backed up with the action required; etc.

Jesus shared our human nature and therefore experienced all of the human condition. And being God at the same time, He knows us completely and has the power to heal us. He is the Divine Physician. His agony and death are how He ensured He would empathize with us. And as Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen said, no one could ever say, “What does God know about what I suffer?”

He is the only one capable of having complete empathy for every human being. Therefore, Jesus Christ is the only answer to how you move on after a break up, or a divorce, or the death of a spouse. He has the only answer to the question “why?” Look at the Apostles’ Creed. His life is summed up simply as He was born, He suffered, He died, He rose from the dead. His life is our life. Our suffering has purpose because it leads to the resurrection.

Empathy is the road to resurrection. If we really want to help others (and God knows we need more people today who desire to really and truly want to help others), we would learn how to practice empathy. Get out of yourself and make the effort to make the deeper connection with what someone is going through.

Those of you who need to move on after a dating or marriage set back, and are certainly in inexplicable pain, find people who can empathize with you. They will share Jesus Christ with you just by their care.

We move on from our broken relationships by healing. Seek the help you need to heal. But the great source of healing is your prayer to Jesus that primarily comes through the Eucharistic Lord at the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass (which represents that great act of love on the cross to secure His eternal empathy for us), and visiting the Blessed Sacrament where you talk to Jesus and beg Him to heal you. The graces that come from turning to the Eucharistic Lord are immeasurable, and have healing properties greater than anything human scientists and physicians can come up with.

It cannot go without saying that the mother of Christ, the Blessed Virgin Mary, is an important person to draw close to for empathy. Simply said, she was the Co-Redeemer along with her Son. She knows, full well, what all human beings go through. To be close to her is to be close to Jesus, and you will know empathy.

As you begin your healing process, never forget what you have gone through, and learn from it. At the same time, take your experiences and share yourself with others who go through what you go through. Become an imitator of Christ and His mother by becoming an empathetic person, and a vehicle of Christ to help heal others. This will bring you closer to God. It will also help give purpose and meaning to what you have gone through.

 

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Posted in Single Life

Dating a divorced Catholic

Posted on November 3, 2010 | Comments Off

Dear Anthony,

I am dating a good Catholic man who is divorced and has a son. I am a Christian who is becoming Catholic (I’m in RCIA) who was also married before and have a daughter. We were friends through his divorce and starting dating after his divorce was finalized. His ex-wife is hard to deal with for both of us. I love him, but have apprehensions about my ability to deal with this kind of drama. I have believed God brought him into my life, but I am starting to wonder if God has something else in mind. What do you think?

Thank you for sharing your situation. It probably would not surprise you to know that there are many Catholics in similar situations. Divorce is an ugly thing, no matter what angle it is approached. We would like to think there are no victims and no one is at fault, and that the people involved should just be able to peacefully move on, but that is not the reality.

The reality is you are in a drama that probably will never end. Whenever you are involved with someone who has a past of any kind, in this case a past marriage, you are taking on all the people involved as well, and the history. How successfully you deal with it depends on many factors.

But first, it starts with yourself. You must consider all the factors and determine if you can accept them. Just because you are in love with someone does not mean you can (or should) proceed with that person toward marriage. It is false interpretation of true marital love to believe that the feelings of being “in love” are what matters the most, and must discount all other factors, no matter how difficult or questionable.

True love considers the good of the other first. Sometimes, despite what we want and how we feel, the best thing for the other is that the relationship NOT proceed further.

That is my general overview of handling situations like you are in. Now you need to confront the specific factors before you can make an informed and wise decision. I don’t have enough details of your entire situation in order to fully help you, so I will make some assumptions.

I will assume you are a baptised Christian at this time, based on your becoming Catholic. That is a wonderful thing, and should be your primary focus above all things in your situation. I pray that you will not let anything or anyone disrupt your steps toward being received into the Catholic Church. That is certainly what God wants most. Your entering the Catholic Church is the worst thing that can happen to the devil, so what you are going through is likely going to be used to shake your faith and perhaps attempt to get you to not become Catholic. That would be the biggest tragedy of your situation. Please consider that.

I will assume your boyfriend and his ex-wife are both Catholic and were married in the Catholic Church. I know that he is Catholic, but you did not mention that she is. I also do not know if their marriage took place in the Catholic Church. I am just going to assume it did and the marriage was not annulled.

This would be the most important and objective aspect of your situation that I hope will give you clarity and also rest your mind, because it is a very liberating reality. Your boyfriend is still married in the eyes of God. His ex-wife is still married in the eyes of God. And probably (assuming you were married to a non-Catholic Christian and not a Catholic) your marriage was also sacramental, according to Church teaching.

As I’m sure you know, a civil divorce does not dissolve a sacramental marriage. All it does is help settle the legal obligations to each other at the civil level. It most certainly does not do anything to their moral obligations at the spiritual level. Their vows before God cannot be dissolved by a civil court. Only a Church court (i.e., the Diocesan Tribunal) has the authority to investigate a marriage and determine if it was, in fact, a sacramental marriage. If they determine it was not sacramental, then they issue a degree of nullity. The Tribunal has the authority to impose on the individuals whether or not they are free to marry in the Church, even with the decree of nullity.

Until a decree of nullity on your marriage and your boyfriend’s marriage, you are all still married in God’s eyes. Therefore, you are dating a married man, which you are not permitted to do.

God cannot call a person to a vocation when they are already in a vocation. So if you want to do the right thing for your boyfriend, and for yourself (and for the children and all others involved), you will end the dating relationship. This is the right thing to do, and it will make God happy and He will bless you accordingly.

Maybe He does ultimately have it in mind that you will be married to this man in the future, but that is not for you to assume, nor to plan, nor try to manipulate. You need to step back and let God make this happen the right way, if at all. By ending the romantic relationship, you are telling your boyfriend that you love him enough to let him go, and give him to God. And you tell God you love Him above all things, and respect the institution of marriage more than your own desires.

Your boyfriend needs to get his situation straightened out first, and so do you. First things first. I know it will not be easy, but I advise you to tell your boyfriend that you have to step aside and allow him to focus on resolving his own situation without the distraction of the two of you as a couple. Encourage him to approach the Tribunal of the Diocese he belongs to and begin the annulment process. (And once you become Catholic, you need to do the same).

Go back to just being friends, or take a long break from him where you do not see him at all while he sorts this out, with the understanding that you might never see him again. Your being in the picture can only distract him.

I realize that you are in love with this man, but he is not yours. And until he is free to marry, which means he is free to date, he cannot be yours to exchange hearts with. If he proceeds with the annulment process, you can be a friend until it is finalized. However, as long as he is married in the eyes of God, there is still a chance that he will (or should be trying to) reconcile with his ex-wife. That might never be possible or has already been tried, I don’t know. But for your purposes, it is about allowing God to work this out without your influence.

Be a positive influence. End the dating relationship, tell him you will be praying for God’s will whatever that may end up being, and that you find peace and joy in doing God’s will.

Remember what St. Augustine said, “Peace is the tranquility of order.” By stepping back and putting proper order to this situation, you will find the peace you desire and need.

I truly hope this helps. Know that I am praying for you every day, and am here if you have any other questions or concerns.

Yours in Christ,

Anthony

 

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Posted in Dating, Single Life

Tagged

Is praying for a spouse realistic?

Posted on October 22, 2010 | Comments Off

The readings for Sunday Mass this past week bring out essential truths about how God works in our lives when it comes to prayer. Those truths are: God waits for our prayers, hears our prayers, and acts on our prayers. We have to pray if God is to act. God’s action is our lives is the philosophical principle of causality. If you pray to God, then He will act.

Prayer is simply conversation with God. It is a dialogue. We use words or we have movements of our heart that speak to God. God speaks to us through people and events of everyday life. His speech is in the peace of our heart and soul.

The Mass readings show us effective prayer and God’s actions. The Exodus reading shows how God would act on behalf of Joshua’s fight on the condition of the prayer (the intercession) of Moses, who must keep his hands raised at all times.

The reading from the Gospel of St. Luke has Jesus speaking about a dishonest judge who finally gives into the widow who sought justice. The widow persevered, not stopping her petition until the judge would give her justice on the matter. We do not know what exactly she wants justice about. We are only given the fact that the woman had a legitimate right to have justice. Jesus then says how much more God will secure the rights of His chosen ones.

Do we have the kind of confidence in prayer that this widow had? Do we have her perseverance? Do we really (and I mean really) believe that our prayers will cause God to act on our behalf?

Single persons hoping to get married should pay close attention to these readings. I know for a fact that many single people are praying to God for a good spouse. Those who are not, should be. God must be involved in the process, since He is the author of authentic love. Those who are longing to be married and do pray for it are earnestly asking God to bring them the one who they are to marry.

Yet, these prayers seem to go unanswered for some. Despite their desire to be married, and after the expectation of timing for getting married has passed, they still find themselves unmarried. They ask things like, “What am I doing wrong,” “Why does it happen for others but not for me,” “Why won’t God answer my prayer?”

These are legitimate and natural questions. We try to comfort these questions with a general “Trust in God” comment to those who are struggling. It’s good advice, but typically not comforting to hear. They want to get married and they want to know why God is not making it happen.

I empathize with those who want to be married. And I find it is very difficult to find anything comforting to say. But there is one thing that one must be very careful of, and that is frustration.

Frustration is sign of fallen trust. We don’t want to admit this, but it is true. When we get frustrated, we start to commit to the direction of anger and resentment that slowly develops, often unnoticed. This is the direction that says, “It is not going MY way.” We want to control our own destiny. We feel we have a right to have things go as planned.

Frustration, anger, and resentment take away our peace and strip us of focus on God. When we lose these and our joy in serving Him, we are no longer in condition to be child-like and allow God to be our Father.

When frustrations of any kind emerge, in humility you must declare that you do not trust in God as you should. You should speak to God in that very moment saying, “Lord, help me.” Ask for peace and acceptance. If we don’t maintain child-like trust, confidence, and dependence on God as Father, He cannot (by our own choice) be the Father He desires to be.

That is the precise point of prayer. Prayer displays a child-like humility, and God responds to that. The greater the faith behind the prayer, the more efficacious God’s response can be. Prayer offered that does not have much expectation behind it does not show God that He should answer the prayer. Why should He? If you don’t really believe, then answering the prayer as you want is not in your best interest. Jesus taught us that our faith is the critical ingredient. Trust in God is an act of faith.

Perhaps what single people are doing wrong is giving up. Sure, they keep praying. But is it just token prayer to God because they know they should pray, but don’t really want to anymore? Or maybe, God forbid, they have stopped praying because they feel they have prayed enough. They decide God must not want them to be married, or that it will happen in God’s time despite any further prayer.

Or perhaps they are not praying for the right things. Prayer for a spouse should include asking for all those called to marriage to have the courage to act on it, lest their free will decision to not act affect the lives of others whom they were supposed to marry and have children with. It should include visits to the Blessed Sacrament begging Jesus to help them heal from their own issues so as not to bring unhealthy issues into their relationships. Most of all, it should include asking for perseverance in prayer and an increase of faith.

But there is one more thing that is key, and that is living a child-like faith and a clean life. If we are living life in a way that is not in accordance with God’s Will, then we must not expect to have the prayer answered. Once you are focused on your life in Christ, begin to pray like you already know it will happen. It’s just a matter of when. This is the lesson of the widow. It is justice for a good person living a clean life and staying close to God to have their prayer answered.

St. Therese of Lisieux taught us how to remain childlike, expecting all things from God. St. Monica taught us perseverance. It took her 30 years of prayer for her son, St. Augustine, to be converted to the Catholic Faith. I’m sure after 20 years, she could have legitimately said, “Lord, I think that is a sufficient amount of time, don’t you?”

So remember the key to prayer as you pray for a good spouse, or anything in your life. Live your life in accordance with God’s will, actually ask for your request, persevere, and have faith. Live your life as one who is thankful to God and confident He is going to grant your request.

Jesus is clear that under these conditions, God the Father cannot, and will not, deny His own child in justice. Don’t ever get discouraged in prayer. Maintain faith, because we never know what is in God’s plan. God might require a certain amount of time for the same prayer before He will finally act. But He is trying to draw faith out of us.

Be steadfast and don’t lose heart. Keep praying to God for your future spouse with consistency. God will not be outdone in generosity. Keep showing Him your great trust and faith until He is convinced you are ready to receive what you ask for.

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Posted in Dating, Single Life