Comments for 6 Stone Jars

Comment on Love life advice from Hermione Granger. by carolineinthecity82

carolineinthecity82 — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 02:39:57 +0000

That’s absolutely brilliant! There’s a reason Hermoine’s considered a genius…

One thing I’m not sure I agree with is the reaction towards bringing up Cedric. Yes, Cho may have brought up Roger’s invitation as a point of jealousy, but her former boyfriend _did_ just die. That Harry had discussed Cedric with Hermoine and Ron prior to his conversation with Cho should have been a moot point. He should not have deflected the conversation, but been there for her and allowed closeness to be fostered by empathy.

Not that we should be bringing up past loves on dates (on Valentine’s Day!), but a good clue for those non-mind-reading males is that we do sometimes appreciate someone who listens!

All in all though, wonderful advice that did make me laugh!

Comment on Just give me a hug. by SHERRILL-ANNE

SHERRILL-ANNE — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 10:14:04 +0000

This is so true.A hug a day keeps the blues away.It is a great way of healing for those involved and relationships.
Thanks for this important reminder.

Comment on Love is not enough. Charity matters. by Sarah

Sarah — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 19:49:21 +0000

So true. My hubby is admittedly much better at true charity than I am. I will say, that I am not sure you can completely divorce charity from pleasure! There are times when yes, you give and receive nothing in return, and God’s pleasure should be enough. But marriage is such a beautiful thing and in a healthy marriage, it seems inevitable that giving to a person who reflects the image and likeness of God is just going to produce *some* pleasure much of the time even if it wasn’t your primary motive and even it’s just internal satisfaction that comes with seeing that person benefit. It’s also important to note that a martyr mentality can be dangerous in marriage for both the giver and receiver… a godly marriage *will* routinely experience mutual giving (unless one person is so physically ill they literally cannot give, like in a caretaker situation). We *should* expect that mutual sacrifice (which I do find rewarding), and some discussions need to be had if one person gives and never receives while the other takes. Some abusive situations come to mind, too. So yeah, it’s a fine line. When you’re dating, you need to keep sacrifice and suffering in mind. You need to realize it can’t be about making yourself feel good or receiving in return. But you also need to look for red flags of giving with no reciprocity. And “feeling good” with a person, while self-centered, can also help you discern if you are on the right path (gosh, I did NOT feel good with some boyfriends – for a reason!) as God does work with our emotions as well (although for some of us, our emotions are terribly untrustworthy!).

Comment on anxiety about being single by Sarah

Sarah — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 18:26:36 +0000

I agree with this on many levels, but I have to point out some struggles I had as a single woman (I am now married). I honestly felt it was a myth that I had more freedom as a single woman. :( I felt an incredible burden to support myself financially knowing there was no one else to partner up with or fall back on. I made a very modest income with limited time off. I felt “married” to my job and was afraid if I were to lose it what would become of me! I did not feel free to travel about or do extra charities and had quite the work schedule. With the economy, it wasn’t quite so simple as finding another job (and the job I had was perfectly good, don’t get me wrong). I also felt emotionally more drained in that well, for all practical purposes, I did not have the support of a partner in day-to-day life (those in difficult marriages, though, certainly have more reasons to feel drained than I did). I made a point to plug into the local community and make good friends, and that was very rewarding, but it took time and effort. :) As a married woman, in many ways I feel more free. Life is not free of burdens and marriage carries it’s own concerns and obligations and trials, but I do feel more free to be creative, make changes, deal with challenges, serve the Lord, etc. I feel like when one is living in their vocation (whether it’s the “limits” of the cloister or the “limits” of married life), they will feel a unique sense of freedom to serve God. Anyway, not disagreeing per se, just remembering feeling VERY divided between God and “the world” as a single lady!

Comment on Just give me a hug. by Lisa

Lisa — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 23:40:29 +0000

I agree. Hugs are great. I just came from a funeral, where I knew not what to say, but I did give some hugs. Also recently I sent a couple of sincere hugs via email. It was awesome to receive one back, which I could tell by the wording was sent with great enthusiasm. Recently, I asked for a hug from the deacon in my church,( I’ve known he and his wife for a few years now.) I got that hug and a few words of direction that I believe were from God. Years ago I read that people need 7 touches a day, to feel alive or well or good. I don’t know about the research part, but it is helpful to give and receive hugs. Thanks for the thought-provoking article.

Comment on The Silent Treatment by Lisa

Lisa — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 23:20:44 +0000

What you say is true, but I am not in control of the other person responding to my email- that is their choice-or lack there of.

Comment on The Silent Treatment by Lisa

Lisa — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 23:17:32 +0000

I haven’t followed this exchange all the way through, but I completely agree on this last chapter. You said that when we ignore people it makes them feel alone in the world- atleast that is what I think you said, I fully agree. Why should we intentionally do something that we know is potentially going to hurt someone, if we can avoid it?! On the other hand, sometimes we are too hurt ourselves and not aware of the full impact of our actions. We certainly need God’s grace to live day by day; realizing that if it weren’t for our sinful nature and that of others, we wouldn’t need Him.

Comment on The Silent Treatment by Chris

Chris — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:13:21 +0000

I don’t believe we are in any real disagreement about the sort of relationships you’re describing. The key word in the quote you took from my response was ignore. Let’s not downright ignore someone because they are a threat to our chastity. I’ll explain it better. It’s one thing to tell an exgirlfriend you’re not willing to meet for coffee because you’re married now, or to refrain from extended personal and private contact via email or Facebook or some other medium when you should be maintaining emotional fidelity to your wife or vocation, and something entirely different to just plain ignore someone when you see them on the street, they call, you receive an email, etc. It’s certainly more charitable to acknowledge the other person’s actual existence and to simply refrain from becoming too personal and intimate or emotionally attached. I don’t think you give us guys enough credit; platonic friendships are definitely possible, I’ve had some and they’ve never been an issue. You don’t have to look much farther than Jesus and Mary Magdalene for an example (regardless of the fact that she was a disciple and not a peer, that doesn’t matter for this example). As for my analogy with the story of Lazarus, I think that’s just nitpicking. It’s a sound analogy. Yes there were likely many who could help Lazarus and he was shunned by all, so what? The rich man was still condemed and perhaps there were unnamed others too, but it was a parable that Jesus used to make a larger point. When we ignore someone it makes them feel alone in the world, that’s undeniable, and there’s really no excuse for it. As Christians we should maintain healthy relationships, refrain from and avoid unhealthy ones of course, but that does not mean it gives us the green light to ignore such people because we or they have a weak and fallen nature. It means we should act responsibly.

If a woman found herself in need of personal assistance and aid at her home and she called on a priest, or maybe a seminarian received a phone call from an ex girlfriend asking for help to move, would it be morr charitable and Christlike to entirely ignore the phone call, to explain to the woman that you dont trust yourself or her because of the possible near occasion, or to attend to the issue with another person as company, which ensures accountability, and just do your best to help? It seems clear to me that choice 3 is the most preferable, choice 2 is the honest alternative yet somewhat silly in light of the fact that arrangements could easily be made, and the first is simply uncharitable and unchristian.

So let’s do our best to not give others the silent treatment, that’s what I was referring to in my comment. If we truly are brothers and sisters in Christ, and we are our brothers’ keepers, that means we have a responsibility to each other, not simply for physical sustenance but for emotional support and kindness as well. Kindness, compassion and fraternal friendship, or Caritas, should not end because of an unhealthy history, bad blood, or what have you, but steps should be taken to maintain chastity, fidelity to our proper vocation, and safeguards like accountability, limited interaction, but never should we outright ignore a fellow human being. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Haha

Comment on The Silent Treatment by David

David — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 13:43:41 +0000

I think Anthony’s article brings up another interesting point of how you deal with the silent treatment from someone you are dating. I think Anthony is right to say that you should bring this up with them and try to discuss it with them in a friendly, inviting manner, but at some point it might be time to stop investing in the relationship. If a girl or guy keeps on giving you the silent treatment is that really someone you want to marry? I think the best thing in this case is to move on. There are lots of good people in this world, and some problems a person has to figure out on their own. One thing I have learned is if you are in a place where you cannot say “no” in a relationship, what does your “yes” really mean? I feel a person is most freely able to date in a constructive manner when they can say “no” when appropriate. As Jesus said – “Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no”

Comment on The Silent Treatment by David

David — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 13:04:53 +0000

Data and statistics aside, this women’s comments are worth heeding as well.

http://www.acheatinghusband.com/cheating-husbands-and-married-men-5-reasons-why-facebook-causes-drama-in-marriage/