Tired of being alone, or, the singles trap.

Dear Anthony,

I’m absolutely fed up!  I’m done!  I’m tired of the singles trap and everyone telling me it’s just not my turn yet!  Why isn’t it my turn?  Why must it take so long?  I’m tired of being alone!  I’m tired of having no one to share my life with!  I’m trying not to be upset with God, but seriously, enough is enough!  And if you tell me it will happen in God’s time, I’m done with you too.  I don’t mean any disrespect, but I can’t handle hearing anymore pious mumbo jumbo.  

That’s a lot of exclamation points, indicating a lot of frustration.  I can’t blame you, especially about not wanting to hear the same “pious mumbo jumbo” anymore.  Of course, it’s not mumbo jumbo at all, but I will admit that many of us advisor types tend to take the easy way out by saying,“it’s all in God’s time” or “when it’s meant to happen to you, it will” or “I’ll pray for you”.

We take that easy way out sometimes because frankly, we just don’t have the answer.

When people are suffer, what they need most is empathy. I have no idea what you are going through and what factors are contributing to your obvious suffering.  I only know for certain that you are in pain.

You want some answers, and fast.  But that’s not going to happen.  It’s futile to insist on and force solutions, and even more futile to succumb to anger and bitterness.

It’s very interesting that you mentioned being tired of “the singles trap.”  That’s actually exactly what you have fallen into, perhaps without even realizing it.  The singles trap is the belief that life is meaningless as an unmarried person. Marriage makes happiness possible at last.

You might be saying, “That’s rubbish! That’s not what I think.”  Maybe not consciously.  But consider how you feel, and what you are saying as a result of your frustration.  You hate it that you are still single, and don’t want to be single anymore.  That’s valid enough.  I fully support that.  But not to the point that you harbor anger, bitterness, excessive frustration, and resentment.

These attitudes are fashioned over time through voluntarily allowing negative realities to penetrate to the depths of the self.  You are slowly but surely become these negatives.  You allow your personal peace and happiness that are gifts of God to be rattled or replaced by the anger.

God created you first and foremost to love Him, serve Him, and be with Him forever in Heaven.  He did not create you to be married.  Marriage is not the answer to your happiness, nor the solution to your overcoming your anger.  That’s a trap.  The singles trap, to be exact.
It sounds to me that you believe you are entitled to be married by now and you are on a quest to find out why you’re not.

There are undoubtedly reasons why you are still single.  Some of it’s probably your fault.  Some of it’s probably the fault of your parents and your upbringing.  Some of it’s probably the fault of free will and those who sadly choose to break up with you for stupid reasons.  Some it probably has nothing to do with fault at all.  But one thing’s for sure…..it’s not God’s fault.

In fact, it’s also futile to look for fault at all.  When you do find out where the fault lies, it doesn’t help.  It might provide some kind of distorted satisfaction, but you don’t find peace and happiness.

You can let anger run aggressively and recklessly until it becomes who you are, thus you are habitually a bitter, nasty, unenjoyable person to be around.

And then congratulations!  You just made yourself completely unattractive to anyone who might be a prospective candidate for a marriage partner.

Do you see what I’m getting at?  You might very well have good reasons for being upset as to why you are still single.  But you can’t give into it.  It’s not worth it.  You only hurt yourself, and your chances of finding love.

You might never really know why you are still single.  But you are. You are still the unique person God created you to be. He made you for love.  Maybe you won’t live that love in the context of marriage. There are so many ways to give yourself away in love for God and neighbor that can fulfill your life and provide a lasting peace and happiness.

I realize that’s easier said than done.  But honestly, what choice do you have?  Keep succumbing to the anger, and you isolate yourself from God, the source of all love and happiness.

Have some people in your life you can trust and are empathetic when you need to vent.  This will help you prevent your natural and understandable frustrating moments from becoming part of who you are.

Give all your problems, emotions, and negativity to God (really letting it go and making it His problem), and you are truly free.

It might be pious mumbo jumbo to say it, but be happy that you were created by God, you are loved intimately by God,  and you are destined to be with God. Your life has purpose and meaning regardless of marriage.  Be happy, and don’t let anything or anyone take it from you.

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25 thoughts on “Tired of being alone, or, the singles trap.

  1. Well said, Anthony! We can never be sure exactly why we are single at any point in our lives, especially if we really do not want to be. But, what we can be sure of is God’s great love for us, and not let our absence of having a special significant other in our lives be defining of who we are. We were created to love and be loved; to be loved by God is enough, in fact, overwhelmingly enough. If we allow the state of being single (and not wanting to be) to steal our joy, then we ourselves forget how to love, and the reasons God created us in the first place…to know, love, and serve Him (and hopefully find that special someone along life’s journey).

  2. If I may add to the discussion, I strongly believe that any marriage or partnership of some sort is not the solution to anything, not even to ‘solitude’ or lack of intimacy. Your life has full value like it is now, and you have the power to make it as fulfilling as any other married person. I believe that all moments in life are better shared than spent alone,  but I would encourage you and all singles, to look around in your lifes and re-discover all those loving relationships that, without being a relationship man-woman, can fulfill that ’emotional emptyness’ you are experiencing right now; rediscover the value of what you have now and what they bring to you. And I mean all sorts of loving-relationships: family, friends, even your relationship with your hobbies, passions and job. While your desire to find your soul mate is very valid and natural, do not let it occupy so much of your mental space and energy to the point that it becomes almost like your only ambition or desire in life, like the missing piece of the big puzzle of your life. There are a lot of advantadges in being single, and lots of disadvantadges as well, so enjoy as much as you can now all the advantadges because once you find your man, that’s it! no way back :-)

    And yes, you may not find the man of your dreams and be single forever, but if you do not accept that even in that situation you can be truly happy and do something valuable with your life, you will be living with eternal frustration and anxiety. Look at your life, enjoy how wonderful and amazing it is right now and if a man is lucky enough to find you, then decide whether he is worth entering your life. Otherwise, better single, really!!

  3. Whenever I feel like this, I too question my purpose in life. If you’re equating your life’s purpose with only marriage, then you’ve already eliminated the many other reasons for your life. Your existence doesn’t and shouldn’t depend solely on getting married. Rather than thinking about loneliness, just go out and live.

    We all have these thoughts about how wonderful our marriage with a soul mate would be. We think things would be better or easier with another, but how do we know if we haven’t experienced it? What if you married someone that you got bored with after a year? Or maybe those in-laws aren’t so great after all. Not to be too negative, but it’s better to remain single than enter a bad and failed marriage, especially if kids are involved.

    Another way to look at it, the success rate of marriage in this country is 50%. Out of that 50%, only half are truly happy. So out of all married couples, 50% divorce, 25% are unhappily married, and 25% are happily married. Maybe the Lord is protecting you from and preparing you to beat those odds.

  4. I am single and a while ago, I felt exactly what you are going through.
    I try to keep myself busy by serving God. It keeps me happy but when I remember that I am single, I get the same feelings like you. I think it is a natural thing to feel like that sometimes.

    I dont think blaming God is the way to go. He is our Father and he knows best. Well, now, at least and at long last, I have an admirer. so there is hope. I am 38 and he is 43 years. Keep praying… I know.. I know you are tired of hearing that… but keep praying and keep yourself busy with positive activities, your own will come.
    God Bless

  5. Make friends with frustration, because marriage and (especially!) raising children will bring its moments of wishing to express yourself with exclamation points.

    And speaking of friends you would do well to learn to be a good friend and to win good friends for yourself. Your spouse will be (or should be!) your closest friend.

    Hang in there.

  6. Be as angry as you want. You can be ticked off too. You don’t need any of us and our responses to tell you how to feel. Feel how you want..use as many exclamations as you want…..and keep going. Many people understand what you are going through.ANY attempt by anyone to psychoanalyse you and why you are single are frankly….just an opinion. Remember that.
    None of us are God and He does have the answers. Blame
    Him all you want…He can take it…( Padre Pio said this- not me)
    I think you are brave to voice your frustration. I think that you should also know that the bible does say that we are not supposed to be alone and that we are to be fruitful and multiply…
    I am getting married soon, and we are planning a family. This can happen to you too. Know this and keep going…I find that many people who are married forget how hard single life can be many times-HARDER than marriage. Many of my married friends would agree with you- being single stunk. They are glad they are married. Keep dating- get out there and ask God hurry up for ya..no sin in that.

  7. I think for some of us the message that comes across from some married couples, especially a few on AMS is that if we just pray hard enough God will give us what we want. “I prayed and look, I found my dearly beloved!” What bothers me very much is the notion that if I just pray enough or am good enough I will get what I want. If we just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep going, God will find our spouse for us. So there seems to be this idea that we aren’t trying hard enough, or aren’t holy enough to merit a husband or wife. There seems to be this notion that God will always give us what we want.
    I for one don’t believe God works this way, and it certainly hasn’t been my experience in my own life. For some of us, we will pray up a storm and live very holy lives but not get married. or see our marriages crumble or loved ones die or whatever it is. It may be that this will not be what God desires for us or it may be that for some wishing to remarry, another marriage may be the wrong thing for them – for their soul and for their spiritual maturity.
    I think married people need to be more sensitive to singles and they need to be more inclusive. Include us as part of your lives. Have us for dinner. Invite us to family functions esp. those of us who live far away from family. Help us be part of the Catholic community, especially the “faithful” community which is almost exclusively family oriented and couples dominated. Realize and recognize that we have something to offer to the church. We are your greatest resource. Don’t look down on us. Don’t judge us as inferior. We are then less likely to fall into “that singles trap”. These kinds of relationships supply intimacy with others in our lives which is often dearly lacking.

  8. Every one of the responses to the ‘singles trap’ post was well presented. Regardless as to how hard it is to keep a marriage intact in this day and age, I believe it is still harder being single. Particularly, if you are a single AND a faithful, practicing Catholic AND you’re holding out for someone especially similar in that faith. I know many single friends of mine that have ‘moved on’ and are comfortably situated in fully committed relationships. Most of them are Catholic but none of them considered their faith when it came to these new relationships.

    For those of us who are single, faithful Catholic men and women, we may have it that much harder to meet our future husband/wife because we have decided to put God at the center of our lives, so that His will touches every aspect and His guidance leads us. It is not an easy path. It is indeed, most often, a lonely uphill climb with not a lot of opportunities to meet like-minded individuals on the way. Jesus endured a much harder path. If anyone knows our struggles, our loneliness and our need for love, it is Jesus.

    So often, I hear, “He’s coming, you’ll see – keep praying – God’s got someone special for you!” Maybe, but it doesn’t help as with each prayer and every day that goes by, he doesn’t show. Maybe it’s not all about praying hard enough….I think THAT in itself, may be a bit of a trap. One can think too hard on that. So hard infact that you could start thinking…’hmmm, I get that it’s all in God’s time and it’s His will but I’m praying like mad, and so far, nada…am I just not that worthy?’ Maybe some of us are called to singledom – not an appealing notion for most of us…but if we are, we must turn that sadness, loneliness and frustration into something positive. It’s not going to happen overnight, but with some practice, try to stop feeling sick of being alone and instead, think of ways to enjoy being with just you and the Lord… and use this alone time to hear His will and worship while you wait.

  9. Constant prayer and doing the will of God in each moment – also known as putting one foot in front of the other in the direction that He leads us – is how my husband and I found each other. Prayer, according to the many AMS success stories we have read, and to the Catholic/Christian couples we have become friends with both here and elsewhere, was and is an integral part of their search and continuing success. Praying up a storm will not get you what you want if you think of prayer mainly as a way to make others change in order to suit you and your needs. Prayer should first and foremost change the one who prays because, let’s face it, we may not be as holy as God would like us to be just yet. Maybe that’s when love comes to rest, and possibly stay. Jesus showed us how to pray, Our Lady reminds us to pray, the Bible tells us to pray unceasingly/ perseveringly, all the saints tell us to pray…so we’ll stick with the winning formula that the experts recommend, thank you very much. It has proven fruitful in our lives again and again and again.

    If spouses are supposed to outdo each other in service to each other, then perhaps the better strategy and practice for singles is to be more sensitive to what married couples, their families, and other people need. Instead of moping and waiting to be invited, what’s to stop singles from doing the inviting or offering their help? When I was single, I offered to babysit so that my married friends could have a much needed movie date night. I came by for an afternoon to help fold the laundry and put away toys. I and a single male friend arrived as costumed storytellers for the birthday party of the daughter of a friend who had cancer. I helped out at an orphanage each Sunday for a year and a half. My husband traveled to visit his married friends – those out in the country especially appreciated his visits. He took them out or made them dinner. Instead of feeling sorry for himself, alone at Christmas, he served at soup kitchens. He helped move stuff, paint porches, revise resumes. If one doesn’t know how to be happy as a single person, do you really expect a prospective spouse to believe you’ll know how to be happy being married? Maybe that’s why prayer doesn’t seem to work – the attitude is at odds with the prayer.

  10. This article was published in the Canadian magazine, Macleans this week. While I don’t agree with everything in the article here are a few things I do agree with:
    “…a literary theorist’s take on how popular culture has not caught up to social reality when it comes to singles. Despite the fact that singles now outnumber married people, they don’t really exist as a recognized category, because our prevailing cultural narrative sees them as “real” people in waiting.”

    “I’m not against couples—I’m against the fact that in our society it’s the way people become legitimate.”
    Here’s the link:

    http://www2.macleans.ca/2012/06/20/the-stigma-of-being-single-the-lack-of-role-models-and-how-coupledom-shrinks-the-world/

  11. I’m a little late in this conversation…but I agree with both Patricia and Paul’s comments. Also I think, every single person who believe God is calling them to marriage has similar frustrations at times.

  12. I don’t just want to be married, I want to be married to a person whom I truly love and respect. A person with whom I want to share my faith and my life with. Having been married, I know the feeling of contentment that comes with being with the right person. I am praying for that gift again.

  13. Another thing to point out is that when someone is bitter when they’re single, they will most likely continue to be bitter when they’re married. Firstly because misery seeks company, so two bitter people joining in marriage simply adds another bitter person to the family. Secondly, your outlook on life doesn’t change when you get married. Only God can change your outlook on life. Marriage is a union of two people in love. Not a solution to your problems.

  14. I think people just don’t understand what the person who posted this is going through.

    All he or she said is they are tired of being single, which isn’t wrong to feel. Everyone responded with being married won’t make you happy, that isn’t what they were expressing, they was expressing a dissatisfaction with one area of their lives and everyone interpreted that as they think marriage will solve all their problems.

    But the truth is nearly everyone wants to be with someone and when people meet someone and marry they ARE overjoyed. Marriage is a wonderful beautiful thing when the right people get together. It isn’t wrong to desire this. God tells us to marry.

    And it’s people with attitudes like in the replies here that cause this frustration, by not giving any useful advice, condemning dissatisfaction at singleness (would you want to be single now you’re married or engaged to be??), making mean and unfair judgements and then rubbing salt in the wound by saying I’m so happy in married or about to marry but you should be content being alone and just keep waiting without complaining. This isn’t kind, helpful or Christian.

    Original poster I feel your pain and I will say a prayer for your dream to come true. You’re not wrong to desire marriage and only HUMAN to feel frustrated. I know exactly how it feels to feel God has forgotten you. What I find frustrating is I’ve thought about marriage for years and tried to prepare myself. I’m ready for marriage and ready to settle down and have a family, I’ve been ready for a while but no one comes along and my biological clock is beginning to tick. I’m just saying I totally understand! But every single day is full of possibility. The longer you wait, the harder it gets, it is so hard but try to stay hopeful. And try to have other goals too, try to have other areas in your life you’re working on and enjoying.

    Also have you tried Catholic Singles. It is an online/postal dating system. It isn’t like a regular dating site but you get sent bulletins with very short entries of people’s likes and dislikes and you can choose if you want to contact them. They also run social events to help people meet other Catholics. Many people have married through this Catholic dating system. It is mainly in the UK but they accept entries from anywhere.

    Feel better my friend. I’ll pray for you :)

  15. Reading the posts following my original one, I have to comment. Maybe this isn’t so much of a married or single issue as it is one of accepting what God is saying to us. More about doing God’s will as opposed to what we want or think is best for us. Are we just basically telling God to find me a spouse, and then blocking any alternatives? I think a lot of us pray, but then don’t like or ignore the answer God gives because it’s not what we prayed for, not what we want. That’s not communicating with God, That’s dictating to Him. No wonder there is misery and frustration.

    Don’t compare your life to others. Maybe God has much loftier plans for you than the married life. Be careful what you ask for.

  16. I understand exactly what this young lady is feeling, but dealt with my own past feelings of anger, depression, rejection, by reaching out to children– first as a volunteer, then as a licensed foster parent. And I ended up adopting 3 daughters and one son as a single Mom! Three of the kids, by the way, are of different racial backgrounds. None of these kids had been born into Catholic homes, so by adopting them and baptizing them, I brought 4 more souls into the Faith. Plus I had 8 other foster kids that I didn’t get to keep, but who in my home learned about God and prayer. And at the age of sixty plus, I am still parenting an 8 year old! Talk about little people keeping you young & active! And I am still praying to fall in love & marry, and gain a strong father for this little girl. Had good news today too–my married daughter just told me she is expecting her first child.

    If I just focused on waiting for a spouse years ago and not reached out in these other directions, I wouldn’t be experiencing the joy now of having been a mother to all these youngsters.

  17. I totally understand the writer’s frustration and respect the well written response. Perhaps the church has to own how singles are ministered to. We sell the love story made in heaven, tell folks to wait for marriage, and in theeanwhile just stay busy serving the Lord, be busy bees who keep the work going in church….then we we say you are not necessarily created for marriage….are you married? How would you advise the single who longs for intimacy, children etc. to move forward? Would you advise him/her to become celibate or fornicate? Just asking for real talk aside from that other stuff we push down folks throat..

    • We’re not running the show. No matter what our desires, wants, needs, or good intentions may be, if they don’t coincide with God’s Will for our lives, then we are just deluding ourselves. The most important thing for us to discover is our life’s purpose in accordance with God’s Will. What is our purpose in life? It should be His plan for our lives, not our own plan. I think a lot of singles have eliminated the single state as something God has called us to be or wants us to be. Hence the misery.

    • The Church, which should be the greatest matchmaker, (after all, matrimony is one of the 7 sacraments) has a poor track record in this regard–compared, for example, to the orthodox Jews who still try to introduce young people through Matchmakers.

      My late mother used to tell me how, in her youth, the area Catholic churches used to sponsor Singles’ Dances to help bring young couples together. The only qualification for admittance was to be either never married, or widowed. (Very few annulments were issued to divorced Catholics back in those days.) Groups of girls were able to attend without a date, and found plenty of young men to dance with. Most married in their late teens or early 20’s. My aunt met her husband (for 62 years of wedded life) at such a dance, but at another parish in a neighboring town. But for this dance, their paths would never have crossed. In addition to these weekly dances were hay rides, picnics, ice cream socials & square dancing on local farms. My Grandmother met Grandfather at a barn dance.

      I am past 60 now, and as a retired government employee had moved several times with my jobs, and consequently lived in 3 different dioceses. Not one of the parishes I belonged to in any of these dioceses had a ministry or even events for single Catholics. Just look at any diocesan newspaper. There are advertised ministries to the divorced, to those in troubled marriages and even to those with same sex attraction, but rarely any social event for single Catholics seeking matrimony. The Church officially teaches singles to seek a Catholic spouse and to remain chaste until marriage, but does absolutely nothing to help young people in this quest. We are left to our own hit or miss devices in a tumultuous society that works against us.

      Further complicating the dilemma is that many Catholic organizations, though good in themselves, are sex-segregated. My girlhood parish had an active Knights of Columbus, Holy Name Society and an Athletic Club for the men, and a Ladies Auxiliary and other groups only for women, but the paths of the males and females active in these organizations never crossed. And as you undoubtedly have observed, Vanessa, after Mass Catholics do not remain to greet and meet each other–they bolt for the parking lot. How are we women to know if their are eligible single males in the average parish? They don’t wear a badge or a sign!

      When I was young and trying to survive the social turmoil of the 1960s and 70’s, I had approached several priests, hoping they could introduce me to Catholic bachelors of good character. The elderly priests, perhaps remembering the days of their own youth in the 1940s and ’50s, still assumed every good Catholic girl was surrounded by a group of male suitors whose “intentions” were matrimony — and were astonished to realize that many so-called “Catholic” men would not consider dating a girl who was not sexually active. One priest told me I “really needed to start going to bars.” Another told me he didn’t know a single Catholic man of good character in his parish. Considering that he had been the pastor there for 40 years and knew 3 generations of Catholics, I found this admission astonishing. One young priest did offer to help me–he was chaplain at the local state prison and offered to introduce me to some inmates– “Don’t worry, not to any of the really violent ones, Susan.” I declined his offer, thinking if this was the best a priest could do for a virtuous Catholic girl, the church was worse shape than I had thought.

      And today? Few pastors really know their parishioners, much less those who may be single. The priest shortage has left them shepherding more than one parish, often without the help of a deacon. My current good pastor is juggling 4 scattered rural parishes, a hospital ministry, a nursing home, plus he is chaplain at a local college!

      So here’s the real talk, Vanessa. I wasted my youth and middle age doing what the elderly priests & nuns of my youth had advised me: Just pray & trust and God will send a spouse to you. I realize that they couldn’t have foreseen the collapse of our society with the sexual revolution, the radical feminist movement and the confusion and turmoil within our Catholic Church. Just advising a person to “pray and trust” for a spouse is unrealistic nowadays. If a person was seeking employment, one wouldn’t just tell them “pray and trust, and God will send you a job.” No, you would advise that person to not just pray, but to register with an employment agency, send out resumes, go for job interviews, advertise, and even seek additional training/education in order to find that job.

      A Catholic seeking a spouse nowadays must be aggressively pro-active. Yes, pray and trust, but also join a marriage website like Ave Maria Singles or Catholic Match. (Two of my older friends met their spouses on AMS. My middle adopted daughter, now age 20, met her Catholic boyfriend through Facebook.) Talk with your fellow parishioners and your pastor. Ask if you can run a personal ad in the church bulletin, or even in an orthodox Catholic newspaper like the Wanderer. (Their ad prices are very reasonable.) If you are fortunate enough to have a Traditional Latin Mass offered in your diocese, consider attending there, even if you have to do an hour or two of driving. These Masses tend to attract more conservative Catholics of all ages. The Eastern Rite Catholic parishes (Maronite, Melkite and Byzantine Rites) tend to have more orthodox members also, and you might have greater success in meeting a good man there. To find where these Eastern Rite parishes are located, go to: http://www.byzcath.org. My prayers go with you, I know only too well how you feel. God bless.

      • Wow. Quite the response indialadyus, and I believe it all. However, is it the pastor’s duty to play matchmaker? If there are no single activities at a parish, shouldn’t the singles themselves organize something? It’s not that hard to create a parish singles group, and I’m sure the pastor would promote it.

        The Church is composed of laity and clergy. We are all the Church. In blaming the Church, we are actually blaming ourselves for our own inactivity.

  18. My adopted son, age 28, attends a large conservative parish in a big city, and he was recently telling me on the phone that his church does have a monthly “singles” coffee hour after Mass. Yes, this can be done in a large parish. His pastor is quite dynamic and active in his ministries to the parish.

    All the parishes I belonged to in my youth, however, were located in the rural areas where my government employment took me. Many were tiny country parishes where most Masses only drew several dozen people to church. Most of the parishioners during my younger years were much older people–I rarely saw people of my age group attending church during those confusing years following Vatican II. Even my attempts to get a pro-life group going would draw little or no response, so attempting to start a singles group in those locations would not have worked either. The members just weren’t there. That’s why I tried approaching the priests themselves…I hoped they could have had a single nephew or known good single men in a previous parish in another location. In my parents’ day, though, priests really seemed to take an interest in setting up activities to bring unmarried Catholics together–but then the small country parishes usually had 2 priests & a convent of nuns who launched all these ministries.

    This is why I advised Vanessa to be pro-active and consider joining a Catholic Singles site like Ave Maria Singles, and to think about traveling to more traditional parishes where she could meet more people. Catholic singles today need to cast their nets out more widely than their own individual parishes, especially if their parishes are small and isolated.

    • So why are you blaming the Church? it’s not so much the Church’s fault as it was a condition of where you worked and lived. You have to expect that contacts are going to be limited in a low population area, Church or no Church.

  19. Depends on the parish, Paul. Most of the parishes I belonged to in my younger days were small and in the rural locations that my government employment took me. I was often one of the very few young people I ever saw at Mass–most parishioners were of my parents’ and grandparents’ generations and there were only several dozen present at Mass. That was why I talked individually to the priests, hoping they might know someone, even a bachelor from some former parish . After all, in my parents’ day, the local priests, with the help of the nuns, did enthusiastically launch activities to bring singles together. Today some rabbis and protestant ministers still do take an special interest in introducing young people to each other.

    To launch a singles group, one must belong to a large parish with enough single members who still attend Mass. My adopted son lives in a large city, and he told me that his very big parish does have a monthly coffee hour after Mass for single Catholics, so this can be done. In a small isolated community, where there is only 1 or 2 single people per parish, it wouldn’t work.

  20. I think i may have the answer to this dilemma.I am a muslim though but this is now have become a ‘global disorder’ and not just a community issue.
    First, dont set strict rules and notions for every prospecting couple that how one should be thinking of marriage, if you understand what i mean. Because this creats enormous amount of pressure on at least one from the couple to exhibit in a certain ‘appropiate way’ in his upcoming marriage so he probably deciding better to get out of the relationship before making any commitment of marrying. Make it open and adventurous and fun and a mutual learning and a shared love.
    second and the most pinning secret it can be for a person even with a little intellect, is to understand the very fact that the pain and regret of not entering into a serious and sacred relationship of marriage even if it would be failing afterwards is far more severe and unbearable than the pain of fights and conflicts and disputes in marriage which many times can be resolved with patience, sacrifice and love. And thats all.
    GOD is always there to help us.

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